Progressing "Normally"

I’ve been told it’s my turn to write again. I’ve been hiding in the cookbook I’m trying to put together. I’ve amassed hand written recipes from my 93 year old grandmother and my Italian grandmother, my stepfather’s mother as well as other recipes past down to me from the cooks I have known in my now 35 years. I cannot sleep again and so spend the nights doing brain exercises, typing recipes, listening to the house and stirring a plan of sustainability, health and happiness for my family.

I am surrounded by the heavy breath of a windstorm and watch the leaves struggle to get to the ground while the wind rips them from their path. The leaves surrender their resistance and swirl together through the night headed in chaos for another place. Nate is calling for me, the wind surprises his quiet sleep.... I’ll be back.
I have moved him now to the other end of our house. I’ve folded out the bed in the spare room so we can snuggle together through the storm. It won’t be long before his little hands start to search for me in the bed. I must write fast.

The pain in my body is surpassing the fear, fatigue, nausea and misery as my biggest hurdle. I’ve been told to manage it around the clock now. I’ve learned my kidney’s have started their decline. Although still functioning normally they have swollen in response to the enormous stress between my organs and the toxins that flow through my blood, unstrained by my liver and spleen.

I’ve alerted the docs to what appears to be the continuous decline of my condition and was assured that nothing would be done about it again this week. In an almost cheery manner I was advised that the outcome of Thursday’s meeting in response to my recent ultrasound (that reported the enlarged kidneys, 4 possible cancer sites in my liver and shunting amongst other unpleasantries) that everything was progressing as normal. I was supposed to be relieved to find out that there are other patients on the liver transplant list with kidney’s the size of footballs. So, not to worry. I want to ask how the football sized kidney’s are supposed to fit in with the 9lb spleen but decide not to bother. We end by thanking each other and agreeing to speak again if there is no improvement in the pain after tripling my dosage or if I end up going to the hospital.

I get a letter from my insurance company. It’s time to apply for CPP. The Canadian Government Disability benefit for people who are severely disabled. This on the same week that I cross that line from 34 to 35. My birthday. I go through a box of letters I have saved in the closet of my son’s room. He sits in the closet with me as we open them. Some are colourful, some are cute and some even sing. These are cards that were given to us when he was born. The names of so many people who sent a card or attended a baby shower. Over ½ the names are people I worked with. My job was more than a job to me. It was my passion and the people I worked with were a family to me. I miss every day there. I know, people always want what they don’t have but I felt that way when I worked there too. I will fight to walk through those doors again with name badge around my neck and clicking my heels down the hall. Waa hoo! Can’t wait.

I’ve turned over all the leaves and begged on my hands and knees. I’ve laughed, cried, written and said. I’ve listened, I’ve waited, I’ve held my tongue. My family, my husband, my mother and my devoted friends have done and said all we can. I want to surrender now. Trust that my time for life will come and be offered. I pray for the strength to face each day. I pray to rise above the pain, to stay real to myself, to keep my feet planted in truth and life to find a way to fulfill the needs that each day brings. Thank you for your prayers and support both silent and spoken tangible and intangible. I love you.

Michelle

Thank You!

Thank you to all who came out for our pub night on saturday! It was a really nice evening, I hope you enjoyed yourselves also : ).

Michelle continues to need prayers. As she puts it, she used to have good days, and now it's good hours (and unpredictable). They are facing some big decisions right now for their family, please pray it will all come into place for the best.

Tracey

Over Another Hurdle

Michelle is making a come-back! After days of being unable to eat or get out of bed, Michelle is feeling well enough to get up and even out a bit. Pain has been a huge issue for many months and seems to only be getting worse. Upon visiting her specialist yesterday it was decided her family doctor should help devise a better pain management plan. Michelle can't get in to see her family doc about this until December!!! It's crazy times with this H1N1 flu stuff, but not until December! I'm so frustrated for her. A recent ultrasound also shows new evidence of pathology, but no changes have been made thus far to Michelle's treatment plan.

Our Pub Night is coming up in 3 days! We have a great prize to raffle off, a $75 Relaxation Massage at the Lovely Raintree Wellness Spa! There will also be a 50/50 for anyone who would like to participate. We will have t-shirts available for purchase, and as a special we will be selling our ladies black t's at the same price as the regular-cut white t's, $20! Thank you to those who have already reserved your tix, we'll see you saturday!

Tracey

In Rough Shape

Michelle could definitely use some extra thoughts and prayers right now. A few days ago she developed some symptoms that are concerning ie; fever, increased pain, some difficulty breathing, lethargy, etc. Her doctor is uncertain if this is related to her liver failure and spleen enlargement, or if maybe she has developed a pneumonia or flu. The decision was made to keep her at home while symptoms are managable to reduce the chances of a nosocomial infection(picking up an infection at the hospital).
Thank you for keeping Michelle and her family in your hearts.

Tracey

I'm Still Here!

Sorry all, I've been sick and Michelle's been away, so I've been slacking in the blogging department.

Michelle had a little get-away to California with the permission of her doctors to travel. She had a great time, although towards the end there was a shift in the intensity of her pain. She just got back home this week and is trying to get a handle on things. Her dear California friends fundraised to pay for her travel expenses, how sweet is that!

With Michelle back we were able to tell her about a surprise we were working on! One of our members is friends with an amazing professional photographer, Sherri koop, who has offered to do a photo session with the Ways as a gift! Sherri takes amazing photos! You can check out her website at www.sherrikoop.com. The family will have photos to treasure forever : ). Thank you Sherri!

A few months ago Michelle's friend Eva decided to take on the challenge of a run to push herself to new limits and raise funds for the Way family. Eva unfortunately sustained an injury during training, but she pressed on and recently walked her race in Michelle's honor! Thank you so much Eva for your perseverance, thoughtfulness, and generous donations!!!

Our November 7th pub night is fast approaching. There are still some tickets available for purchase. $15 and you get a burger(beef, veggie, or chicken), fries or salad, and a drink. Contact me at way-to-live@hotmail.com or on facebook for tickets : )

I will try to be more on top of things here on the blog, thanks for bearing with me!

Tracey

Making Peace

All viable options have been exhausted. Neither Toronto nor BC are prepared to take the risks involved in transplanting Michelle at this point. Hearts were broken all around, especially Michelle's. After some reflection she has decided that she needs to take a break from all the fighting and just let things be. Our trust is in the hands of the doctors now. Please continue to pray for the Way family; that they can enjoy their time as a family, that Michelle will find comfort, and that the doctors will know when it's the perfect time to perform Michelle's surgery.

Tracey

Pub Night November 7th!

*Michelle will not be going to Toronto. It's complicated. More info to come. Please be in prayer for her.*

We felt it was time to do another fundraiser for the Way family! Tickets should be on sale by the end of this week. Please email me at way-to-live@hotmail.com, or contact me on facebook, or contact any of the other Way To Live committee members you know to get your tickets.

*Details*
date: November 7th at 5:30pm to as late as you like ; )
place: Hudson's Landing Pub in Marpole(vancouver)
cost: $15.00 per ticket
dinner: available 6pm to 9pm. Includes veggie, beef, or chicken burger; fries or salad; and either a house wine, on-tap draft beer, or a hi-ball.
extras: we will be doing a 50/50 draw, and possibly a raffle.

We hope to have an excellent turn-out like or first event!

Tracey