Way To Live!

Seeing

2011-10-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

The things that have happened. They peeled away the layers. There is a film that falls over the reality of life. It is put there by the experiences that numb us that make us callous that teach us to behave a certain way. When I gasped for life, fought to feel the beat of my heart, take the breath that would inflate my lung one more time I knew that the film caused the real gift and brightness of life to dim, to fade. It makes my interactions fractured, the air tainted. I cannot hear what it said, see what is happening, touch the truth that is the ground beneath my feet and the things that surround me. To see the world without the film is to feel things so acutely. I dance with abandon, I sing with my throat wide open and I feel every thread of the soft cotton sheets around my toes. With the heightened joy comes the ability to be cut through to the marrow by the reality that hits me like a blow to the freshly opened navel. The homeless man with his flawless bones, his organs aching for free air, clean blood and a chance. I watch him eat garbage, inject his veins with poison and look at me with pity for his fate. Does he really think he is fighting for his life? I want him to know what it really feels like to want to live. I want to say something so that he will know the will to live. If he could feel that why would he self-induce what I was forced to endure?

For the first several months post-surgery I could not walk by someone who was risking their life in any way without feeling a bodily sensation of nausea and the sensation that I was going to collapse. The sorrow I felt for their unwillingness to live was unbearable when it had been so hard for me to fight the battle. Now I have forced myself to desensitize. I stared at people smoking and tried to remember what it was like to understand it. I watched the Olympics as people raced down mountains and break-neck speed. This time I could tolerate it. I am slowly replacing the film. I have realized that some of it is necessary for tolerance and resilience of a different kind. I haven’t lost my gratitude for the shine of the moon and the turn of each season and I still dance with the abandon of a child but I am learning to wear the film like a cloak when I need it. The only unmoving law is I will not allow my son to wear skulls on his clothes. Why would you invoke death when life is such a real and present gift? He doesn’t like them anyway. I believe we’re kindred spirits on that one.

Along with this feeling of newness is the knowing that there is a new soul inhabiting me. It is not something I have tried to notice or believed ahead of time. It is just something that is. There are parts of me that were never there. I itch when I get out of the shower. I like to buy shoes and clothes. I spend a lot of time getting ready in the morning. I like dogs. I have a temper. I won’t be messed with and if you cross me I’ll let you know about it.

There are things that haven’t changed. I love going on adventures and I love my friends and family and I will do anything for someone I love. I forgive everyone and the Tater Tot is the shining beacon that guides everything I do in my life.

I haven’t finished getting acquainted to all the parts of me but I recognize the new parts as my dear friend Meghan. We were always the same yet opposite so it is funny to have her habits (some of them that used to drive me crazy when we were roommates!) coming out in me now. I’m so grateful that I received an organ and now that I know the profound effect that it has had on me and my body and spirit I am even more grateful that is from someone who I admire so very much. I could not have been more blessed.

Much love,
Michelle

Mrs.M

2011-05-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

Meghan has graduated from Miss.M To Mrs.M! She married her fiance of 3 yrs today(May29th)!!!

Meghan you are such a special lady, and Mr. T(ha!) is lucky beyond words to be united with you in marriage.

Thank you for saving my dear friend, and now I wish you a lifetime of happiness as you begin this new chapter in your life.

Congratulations to you both!

love
tracey

Happy Transplant-iversary!

2011-02-16T08:08:00.000-08:00

One year ago today. I still have all the text messages on my cell phone that were exchanged this day and many from the days that followed. Who was going into surgery at that moment, how it was going, when everyone was out, how pleased the doctors were with how it all went. Meghan* gave a piece of her life so Michelle could continue hers. That is pure magic!
It's hard to believe it's been a year already. My home phone message remains unchanged, from when I had to put my contact info for media to reach me if I wasn't home. People wanted Michelle's story, they wanted her to get her surgery. And she did! It's been a hard journey, but as an outsider I can see she is doing so much better. She is vibrant and glowing. She has more energy and is back to doing many of the things she couldn't do when she was unwell.
Meghan gave a selfless gift, complete with it's own sacrifices. She is also doing great and is back to the things she loves, like riding her horses and getting engaged to be married!
What a year it's been for these ladies! To celebrate organ donation month, Meghan and Michelle's story will be published in the April edition of Reader's Digest. Watch for it coming soon!
tracey

*let's not kid ourselves, most of you know Meghan is Miss M, so let's give the lady some credit and use her real name!

The Pebbles and Stones

2011-02-15T01:09:00.000-08:00

It's 1:10am. The eve before the eve of my transplant 1 year ago. Tomorrow I return to work from my pneumonia tune up. I felt weak and ill again and was amazed how familiar the feeling was even though I had kissed it good bye forever. I couldn't find the power in my knees to float me to the top of the stairs without a moments recovery. The energy of my 3 year old washed over me like a wave that nearly drowns the avid surfer. I began to feel hopeless that my life would wash out to sea without me. But, after all here I am back and returning to work tomorrow. It's a new beginning, a new job, the realization of a lifelong career goal. But I cannot sleep. My heart is heavy tonight. I cannot fit all the pieces in the right place. Despite the level playing ground of delight, pain keeps trying to insert itself. Tragedy keeps peeking in on the scene. Something is not in balance. I feel like the princess trying to snuggle down to sleep atop her mattresses of gifts and successes but I feel a pea lying between the folds and I cannot rest. There is something more I must do to find peace. I just don't want to take apart all the mattresses to find the pea. I've tried to ignore it but it's too prominent. I've tried to squish it, but it's too strong. I will have to find it and see it. Another round of bravery is required. There's always more of that isn't there?

Thank you for all the gifts, for my beating heart, for the feeling of joy and overwhelming love I feel for the family and friends and people in my life. I am so enjoying being there and being able to pay forward a small portion of the kindness showered on me.

Much love,

Me

The Little Liver That Could...DID!

2011-02-04T16:39:00.000-08:00

Michelle's ultrasound back in December showed that her new liver was still undersized, but working well. A more recent ultrasound showed that her little liver has made it to full size! I don't think this was expected, thus a pleasant surprise! This is only a partial liver though, and is missing some parts you and I have with a full/whole liver. As Michelle says, she doesn't have all her plumbing! So there are still some deficits, issues with fluid retention for example. But her liver is doing great! The biggest task at hand right now appears to be getting through this pneumonia. They think they have her on the right med regime, so hopefully it is just a matter of time. Please join me in praying for her lungs to heal, and for her body to adjust to the long-term antibiotics. The antibiotics are making her feel a bit sick.
tracey

A Tribue to Grannie (from Michelle)

2011-02-02T10:20:00.000-08:00

I was unable to attend my Grannie's funeral after working so hard. As it was happening I was having my lung scope and try as they might they could not put me to sleep. I ended up going through the proceedure with my eyes wide open. At least now I know what the inside of my lungs look like! I thought of Grannie, my broken hearted Grampa and all the family who surrounded him with great love and respect. I wanted to be there to grieve and comfort with them but I knew my place was to restore myself to health. In the end, I made it out of there the next day in time to meet everyone for lunch and return home for rest. I wrote this piece to read at Grannie's funeral. I thought I would post it here in her honor. It was never read.

Dear Grannie,

I wrote this piece after selecting pictures from the boxes of options that represented the 94 years of your life. As we shuffled through them, Gramps regaled me with the background stories behind the images and they bloomed to fill the senses of your character.
We were separated when I was only a baby and re united after I had fully grown. I missed so much. You told me of your disappointment that I wasn’t there to create childhood memories with our family. I cam as soon as I could.
I always dreamed of knowing you, of having a seat in the circle of your heart. In recent years we had our chance. Through our time together, sipping soups, stooping over sewing machines or during one of our many chats we caught up on our missed years. You taught me much of being a lady, cooking, loving and being courageous in mind and body. I will hold you close to my heart forever.
Your life has sparkled through a century and it seems you never wasted a day. Your whimsical art, travel adventures, decorating, painting, sewing, knitting, teaching, selling and celebrating the people you love tell the tale of a woman who has led a life to be proud of and a legacy her family can treasure forever.
When I saw you last I told you I find you and dad to be masters of wit and irony. Even then, lying small in your hospital bed your strength and humor pressed through to refuse my fear and sadness into laughter. I like to think you and dad are up there- holding your sides and laughing together.
Grannie, I’m so happy we really know eachother now. Thank you for your love of me and my family. Thank you for showing me what courage and strength of mind and character it takes to survive life’s challenges. Thank you for proving that true and enduring love is possible and the imprortance of cherishing your marriage.
My son has said he loves you with all his heart- I can’t say it any better then that.

Home!

2011-01-29T17:37:00.000-08:00

Michelle was discharged home last night! Just talked with her Mama and got a bit of an update. After her procedure yesterday Michelle wasn't feeling very well, but was able to go home. She continues to not feel well today, but will hopefully feel better as some of the sedation drugs leave her system and her other meds are regulated. She will be going to the transplant clinic on thursday, when she should also get the results from the samples taken from her lungs yesterday.
tracey

"Are We There Yet?"

2011-01-29T09:16:00.000-08:00

Michelle was hoping to be released yesterday, but the team reviewing her respiratory status wanted to do a little more investigation. She was scheduled for a bronchoscopy yesterday at 11am. They wanted to take some samples from each lung, hoping to get a better answer as to what is causing her pneumonia. I haven't heard how the procedure went or any results yet. Michelle was told to quit asking about discharge estimations, so just trying to take one day at a time. Her primary doc called this admission a "tune-up", which highlights I suppose that a transplant doesn't end after surgery. Please continue to pray for a speedy recovery.
tracey

Pneumonia

2011-01-27T11:08:00.000-08:00

There were some concerns that there might be something more...but it's "just" pneumonia. Still cr@ppy, but I'm guessing better than the alternatives. The doc came up to see Michelle after a CT scan to report "you're going to live"! She has pneumonia bilaterally(both lungs). They want to try to determine exactly what the cause is so to best treat, then she can be on her way! Hopefully she will be home today, tomorrow at the latest. Unfortunately her admission to Delta Hosp resulted in a little fluid loading, and she has some very uncomfortable bloating in her abdomen. Hopefully this will pass soon. Things have been been rough with Michelle's breathing for months, and it is suspected she could have been brewing something since the summer! So this is what immunocompromised looks like...
Here's hoping that with answers you will find relief! Love ya Chikadee!

tracey

Difficult Times

2011-01-25T21:33:00.000-08:00

Michelle is in the hospital tonight. Unfortunately a few days ago she was struck with horrible chest pain and difficulty breathing. Turns out she has pneumonia. A couple of days in her local, small-town hospital for IV antibiotics, she was discharged home yesterday. She and I spoke yesterday evening. She didn't sound well and was having a lot of pain in her swollen abdomen. She went to see her family physician today, and I don't have all the details, but she has been admitted into Vancouver General Hospital (VGH). She is expecting to be put on the transplant floor. The doctors suspect she may have another infection along with the pneumonia. She is on heavy duty antibiotics and may have to stay on them for some time. The little liver-that-could remains on the small side, but is holding it's own right now. Michelle is really hurting tonight not being able to be with her son. Also, she lost her Grannie last week, and she was really hoping to be available for Gramps. Please pray for Michelle's health, and for her family as they wade through these difficult times.

tracey

A Birthday Wish

2010-11-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

A fire’s been started that must press the keys to life. A storms been brewing and now Miss M has sent me a news post. A terrible twist of fate. A father of 3 young boys lost his life saving his brother in a live donor liver transplant surgery this August. Now the new liver is rejecting. It’s 1am and it’s my 36^th birthday. I should be sleeping but it’s going to have to wait till I’ve got this out…. It’s my birthday and I had a live donor transplant 9 months ago. Miss M saved my life just in the nick of time as the blood discontinued its flow through the left side of my heart. I have been reborn. I am wife to my husband who has patiently waited for so long. I am mother to the 3 year old little boy to whom I devote my life. I am slowly resuming the roles and relationships I have missed so dearly. The odds were trying to tip against me but we fought back. I did not fight alone. Thank you. So- there’s cause for a bit of reflection today I guess. Meghan risked her life to save mine- a thought that’s never far from my mind but tonight it seems an even more eerie reality. I cannot imagine the pain the brother left behind must feel. I’m sure I couldn’t endure it. My heart and prayers are with him and all who this story has affected.

Where have I been for the past 3 years? It’s all a faded murky bog of grey except for the brightly colored figure that is my gorgeous Nate. Every second of his life is crystal clear. Despite the fog that surrounds everything else I can remember with astounding clarity the date he ate his first food, took his first steps, said his first words, where we went what we did the things he’s said- everything. It’s as if my mind was hungrily grabbing every moment as the last and locking it forever in my mind. My brain has skilfully edited the details of the horror away from my memory and I am a willing participant in this survival process. I don’t think I could bear to always carry it with me or remember. People tell me stories of things that happen and it sounds like someone else’s life. It is completely unfamiliar. One night I am grateful to have completely blacked out is the night before my surgery. My immediately family gathered for sushi around my hospital bed. We played on the bed for a little while and then it was time to say good-night. I am told Nate climbed on to my lap and we hugged tightly for a long time. I have heard them tell me of the loud sob that seemed to belong to 3 lifetimes of pain that came from the bottom of my soul and escaped out of my lips into the room. My brave son held me tighter, kissed me many times without shedding a tear and left my room silently. He didn’t say a word until he reached the pond in front of the hospital where he asked for a fistful of pennies which he threw “for mama”. I have had many heroes in my life but this little man is one of them.

I am ashamed to hear I was unable to contain my grief while I held him but I can only hope he felt the intensity of my love for him.

I do not want to wait for life to begin any longer but there are toddlers to live, jobs to do, houses to clean, laundry to fold, beds to make and food to cook. In other words you must move your torso to exist. And the great part is that I do exist now. I am NOT ILL ANY MORE!! But the problem is there are days where the pain of joining these severed muscles, tendons nerves leave me feeling attacked by a bear in the front and that large snails have coiled the muscles and entwined with the bones and ribs in my back. I want to eat holes in the walls and chew the pillows it hurts so much. But the pain goes away or is quite tolerable if I rest or do very little. But I can’t wait for myself anymore. Now is when I’m needed. My family is young, my life is young. So am at a standstill here and off to Transplant on Thursday to see what can be done.

As a tribute to Meghan, I want to enclose this piece from the past, just before January last year..... It shows how far we've come. What her sacrifice has meant for me and our family. I love you sweet angel. I'm so sorry Ryan died for his brother Chad doing what you did so selflessly and unwaiveringly for me as he did for him.

“A few weeks ago, my tot was having trouble falling asleep in his little bed. He insisted on sleeping with me in the spare room. I asked him if he was sick and he shook his head vigorously. I knew something was bothering him so I leaned him and kissed his rounded cheek. I reminded him that I’m his mommy and he can tell me anything. He whispered softly, “you are”. I repeated his words and asked him what he meant. He said it again. I repeated my question and snuggled him close to me. He whispered loudly, “You’re sick mama.” He had never said the words out loud before. I wasn’t ready to hear him say it now. Up till that moment I believed that he didn`t really know what was going on. I burst into tears despite my urgent desire to be in control of my emotions. It was his turn now. I couldn’t stop the waterfall steaming down my face. He jumped into my arms and held me silently. I could hear his breathing quickening, almost panting. I quieted and he told me he is so scared. He hears me throwing up. He’s afraid the doctors aren’t going to save me. They are taking too long mama. He wants to fix me with his tools. He loves me so much and he’s afraid that I am going to die. I gasp. I didn’t even know he knew that word. I feel like I have just listened to the confessions of a 15 year old and look at his tiny face and hands to remind myself that he is only 2 years old. What a brave little boy.

I tell him that mama was born with something broken inside of her tummy that needs to be fixed. Mama needs a new part. I tell him I won’t be sick forever. At least I can promise him that. I tell him that there is a special doctor who can fix me. A look of relief washes over his face and he smiles before pronouncing, “I will meet him mama. I want to meet the doctor who is going to fix you.” I can`t imagine the high and mighty Dr. S would be able to look at his little face and deny his request. In fact, our sweet tot has been to the transplant clinic with me only once. It was after his visit that they activated me on the liver transplant list.

I do believe that my son will see me well again. I believe I will dance and work and lift and climb and ride and run like I used to one day. I tell him this and he is happy. I feel like I just had a conversation with a 15 year old. I cannot believe this amazing child came out of my body and is my son. He is truly a living breathing miracle. Thank you.

After being rejected by Toronto and BC once again we were burnt out, done and depleted. We have been living this white knuckle ride as if each day could be my last. We cannot continue like this. I literally got on my hands and knees and begged the BC transplant team to do the surgery. Please set all of us free from this purgatory. No dice. We’ll see you again in January.

I am quite sick now. The disease is literally oozing and popping out of me and I am drowning in its force. I cannot believe that I will be rejected again when I return to the transplant clinic in January. My kidneys are bloated with backflow of blood (shunting) from the spleen. The pressure between the organs has resulted in ginormous varices in my torso which are now protruding from my skin and look like bloated worms after a rainstorm. I simply cannot get the upper hand on my pain or my nausea or my fatigue or the feeling that I have been poisoned. I am losing the memory of wellness now. I watch.....

That's enough of that. I don't feel like that anymore. No oozing and popping, no puking- none of that pergatory nothing. Phew! This is WAY better. Happy BIRTHDAY! All my birthdays from here on out are dedicated to my Angel and friend, Miss M. You know who you are. xox

Love and live,

Goodnight

Kidlet (Michelle) I just felt like honouring the sign off I would have given my dad who always called me Kidlet. I enjoyed that name. Maybe it will be my penname.

Slowing to a Steady Trot

2010-10-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

Well... do you recall that froth I was talking about- that chomping at the bit I was doing? Well I chomped a little too zestfully and bit a tad too much off. Now I’ve had to have a nice bite of humble pie and admit I can’t do it all.

It started out all very innocently at the end of September with a family week-end to see Meghan on the Island and my intention to fulfill the Tater Tot’s request to “be a whale” in the swimming pool. This is something I’ve done on numerous occasions in our little local shallow swimming pool. However, in the unfamiliar pool the bottom suddenly dropped out and we were drowning while Jarvie enjoyed a few moments off bubbly heat behind the wall in the hottub. I struggled mightily against the water`s draw to sink us both to the bottom with Nate flailing on my back. I couldn`t reach him because of the feeling of tearing and searing pain across my abdomen as I tried in vain to reach the top of the water and swim to safety. I screamed and sputtered and somehow Jarvie heard us. He reached from the side to rescue the Tot. He expected me to swim to the side now that I was free from the urchin that clung to my back but now I was tired out and in too much pain so I continued to drown and sink. He eventually realized and aided me as well.

After panting and heaving on the side of the pool for several minutes we all looked at eachother and jumped back into the pool. We never discussed it and went out for lunch. I guess the trauma we`ve been through doesn`t make a story like this worth mentioning on the rare occasion we get out for a family vacation.

24 hours later I couldn`t move and we couldn`t figure out why. Now over a month later I am still having a lot of trouble moving. The docs tell me I ripped away the muscle from the incision in my desperate effort to save us from drowning. The pain of just holding myself standing let alone functioning has tired me all out so I`ve had to blow the whistle on my new found function to say that I can`t increase, won`t make my goals and have had to reset my own boundaries.

My doc`s looked down through their eyebrows and told me, tsk tsk – you`re always over estimating your strength``. To that I say, Amen sista! Guilty as charged! But, no seriously, I do so I will calm it down a little. I didn`t die so many times just to kill myself after all. 

Thanks for listening. Much love.

What I'm Up To

2010-10-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

It's 1AM and my rooms are filled with the huffs and poofs of dedicated sleepers. It's that solid time of night when I could vacuum, pick up the bed and re-make it without waking up anyone. I'm usually right there beside one of my boys enjoying a solid sleep but tonight is different. I've done all the right things but I just can't get all the way to the sleep part.

Is there anyone out there anymore? Does the return to normality and the navigation of recovery from liver transplant, return to work, raising a three year old and guiding a husband who just watched you die and come back to life back into a normal marriage contain a story? Every day I am awakened by the surprise that humanity brings to life. People's stories, their laughter, their anger and emotion, their fears and even the things that people choose to wear. Everything has a new amusement and hold genuine appreciate for me now. Every day I get to see a friend for lunch or a playdate is a day that might not of been. Although that tone is being replaced by the joy of seeing a person and being to share a normal healthy experience without having the compromise of illness to be in my way. WHAT A MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have returned to work. I am an official inhabitant of cube world now. I am a voice in the egg crate as my dad used to say.

I am eager with excitement the night before a work day. It is an adventure I wasn't sure I'd ever get to have again. Nate's jaw dropped the first time he saw mommy all gussied up for work. He gave me a standing ovation and picked out my pink high heels. They didn't exactly match but who's going to turn down such a participation!?

It has been a humbling and joyous ride back into the saddle where everything is changed and nothing is different. I am being trained by my students and sitting with my future co-workers who do the job I will one day do if I can ever work full hours again. They work with the seriously injured or psychologically impaired. Their days are filled with the need for compassion and endless patience, negotiation, balance and tolerance. I am learning how to change an address in the new computer system. A very simple but just as necessary task!

I hear my friend guide a man through the emotions of returning to his home for the first time without the leg he had before he'd gone to work and lost it in an accident. Will this get to be my job? What will it be like for me to talk to these wounded people? I have felt their pain. I have had to bend my life, be broken and rise again. It is best I heal and wait for now but I can feel the froth forming at the bit and my pace is picking up to a steady canter.... Slow and steady I keep telling myself.

The docs at transplant have got my headaches under control (transplant meds can trigger migraines) so life has gotten a lot better in the last 2 months. My/our liver has accepted it's new home very well (knock wood). My overall score hovers at about a 38 which usually takes years to achieve. I can only believe it is because of the relationship between myself and my donor made the body that much easier to receive the gift. My kidney's are tolerating all the toxic meds that I take every day very well which is one of the hurdles of the first year of transplant. My biggest irritation has been this very deep chest cough that has required 3 rounds of antibiotics and puffers every day. My donor has chronic bronchitis so we don't know but it's a possibility it may have transferred through her blood! Anyway, it's been really difficult to get rid of with all the anti-rejection medications so I sound like I have tuberculosis. Gives me a whole new empathy for my friends with asthma or breathing issues. You have my prayers! So far I have been very lucky to avoid any of the very common pitfalls of the first year especially because I received a very small piece of living donor organ. So, thanks to your prayers and all the extra rituals (you know who you are! :-) I am alive and kicking.. THANK YOU sincerely from the bottom of my heart, soul and toes to my nose.

I am so grateful to Meghan for her sacrifice that allows me to graduate from surviving surgery to watching life and now truly participating in it. I can wake up with my son, stay awake all day and put him to sleep at night, I can slide, swim, work, iron, bake bread and have dinner on the table on time. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. I will never forget what I've been through and the pain of the surgery is still very fresh but that girl I thought I might have lost was only wearing her safety gear. She's very much alive and well. I feel my old self rise as the fatigue, pain and memories sink and fade.

Meghan- I hate that you itch and I don't want your blood cells to be smaller than they should be. It's not fair for you to have aftermath from your heroic gesture. I know we will find the answer. I pray for the resolution every day. I know you say you aren't suffering and we never lie to each other so I take solace in that. Much love and THANK you for my life that wouldn't have been without your brave decision.

oxo to all and I MUST GO TO BED!!!

Bon Nuit!

Michelle

Past The 6th Month Mark!

2010-08-29T19:13:00.000-07:00

First off, thank you so much to everyone who contributed to help Miss M in her return to work process! She is now back to work full time! She reports lower then normal red blood cells since the surgery but we are hopeful this will change under her doctor's care.

Michelle has been a pretty sick chikadee for over a month now. My initial over-the-phone diagnosis was pneumonia, but a trip to the hospital turned up a negative chest x-ray. Many days of green sputum, blood oxygen levels below 90%, antibiotics, gasping for air, and numerous trips to the ER for breathing treatments...Michelle is finally rounding the bend. The bizarre thing is, Michelle was not really one to develop chest infections, let alone one that makes her lungs seem so chronic. Albeit, she has poor immunity now that she has to take anti-rejection medication daily to protect her new liver, there may just be another piece to this story. According to the transplant team, Michelle was told she is the only BC resident to receive a live-donor liver transplant from a non-relative. I've read stories of people receiving transplants and picking up habits, food cravings, or conditions, etc that the donor experienced. Miss M. has a history of bronchitis. Coincidence? Potentially interesting; how much information and power our little cells carry, even when they are outnumbered in a new body.

Another interesting tidbit, and great news for people who are offered the gift of a live-organ donation from a relative. BC transplant told Michelle they have had no cases of rejection from live-donor transplants when the donor-recipient dyad were relatives. Again, Michelle has been told she is the only person in BC to receive a non-related donation of liver from a living donor. Michelle experienced some complications of rejection in the beginning of her recovery. This is thought to support the idea that living, related donors improve the odds of the transplant being a success. Michelle and Miss M are contributing to science that will potentially lead to a better understanding and further advancements in organ donation!

Phew, that was a lot of medical stuff, I hope I got it right!

Please continue to keep Michelle and Miss M in your prayers. Michelle just passed the 6 month mark post-transplant, she's definitely on her way!

tracey

*Keep your eye out for Michelle and Miss M in a future Reader's Digest! I will let you know when it's available!

Making It "Work"

2010-07-21T21:22:00.000-07:00

Michelle is doing pretty great! Starting back to work at 6 months post-op is such a big feat, and she's genuinely excited about it. The Ways are working hard to keep themselves afloat and be independent. They will be forever grateful for all of your help this past year, but are now hoping to adjust to their new life and make it on their own. Thank you friends!

Miss M. is also doing well, but unfortunately is not entitled to the same financial support in her return to work program. Apparently employment insurance here in BC only gives you 15weeks coverage, even if you've given up half your liver. Miss M. has made a valiant effort to return to work full-time, but has thus far been unable to tolerate this schedule. She has had to cut back her hours until she is stronger. Miss M. has given our Michelle an amazing, self-less gift. We are now turning to you dear friends to help us help her in her recovery. We are collecting donations, and considering a fundraiser to help top-up Miss M. until she can return to work full-time. Donations will be accepted through our paypal account or via cheque to the Michelle Way Trust. Please quote Miss M. in the memo of your cheque or on your paypal donation so that any funds coming in will be directed to the appropriate recipient.

We know times are tight, but we wouldn't ask if we didn't feel it was for a good cause.

Thank you for all the continued support!

tracey

I Can Wear High Heels

2010-06-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

Wow! Now that I've come back to life I see that there's a lot to this living business! How did I fit it all in before? There's so many people to love and relish and so much laundry and cleaning and driving and working and cooking to do! I take my hat off to all of you who do it so beautifully. I have suddenly found myself facing all these tasks with delight and surprise. It is a wonderful discovery to find myself a mother, homemaker, employee, friend and daughter, niece and cousin and all the titles I hold so dear. I didn't realize how small my life had become- how narrow my focus. I am forgetting my tired and scarred self to rediscover the new life that is pumping through me.

I can hold my son. I can ride my bike. I can wear high heels. I can eat first, second and thirds. I can sleep on my stomach and dance with joy. I can cook for my family and get to wipe up the floor when something spills. I'm going to work in a cubicle again. I'm going to earn a paycheck 2 weeks from August 4th. I'm ALIVE! Time is allowing the memories to fade.

My docs have described my test results and gorgeous and beautiful. My body is absorbing this gift of life with delight and exuberance. I am treating it with reverence- as my dearest friend. Thank you dear Meghan. I pray for continued grace and good fortune for us both. My soul was restored to witness your strength and vitality. I pray that our bodies continue to mend as the impact of this trauma fades to allow the beautiful vision of our futures. I cannot wait to behold the next chapter on your wedding day.

To all of you who have held me in your hearts and prayers. I will always know that it was the strength of your intentions and the sincerity of your prayers and hearts that kept me here, that has allowed me to pass through this immense ordeal without having succumbed to it. Every day is an answered prayer. Thank you.

And Then There Were Three

2010-05-25T19:41:00.001-07:00

Michelle and family continue to slowly try to put the pieces of thier new life back together. Mama bear is heading back to California after many months at her daughter's side. It has been a long time since the Ways haven't had someone in their home to assist with keeping the house up and helping with Tater tot. It will be different. New challenges, but also a time for the family to reconnect on a new level. Tater tot will continue to be in daycare a few days a week to allow Michelle much needed rest time. Michelle is also using massage therapy, chiropractics, and acupuncture to help manage her pain. Unfortunately surgery hasn't been a cure-all, but Michelle knew this going in. It HAS provided hope for a better future. Michelle is only 3 months post-op, and her doctors suspect 1-2years for a better idea of what her recovery will look like. Her body continues to embrace her new little liver, her rejection scores are good.

I see Michelle getting stronger all the time and it's wonderful! Praying for her comfort and continuous healing.

We'll miss you Jer!

tracey

The End and Once Upon a Time all at once

2010-05-21T19:21:00.000-07:00

The sun streams in through the window after a wash of spring downfall. The air is fresh with the new soil and flowers of hopeful gardeners. I've just pounded the last of the little fragile sprigs into the ground. Those little saplings are of kindred spirit with me. We are both going to hope our new life digs deep and solid roots that will sustain us. This will depend on a little bit of luck, careful care and a lot of love. Love is what sustained me through this then and now.

Speaking of love, my mama is returning home after being with us for 6 months. Jack arrived last night to drive her home in a few days.

My mama is gram-ma-ma to the Tot. So, for all of us, it is the end of an era, and a new beginning. I will miss hearing her happy voice that accompanies the Tot's giggles. I will miss our long chats and the friendship we share. Thank you mama for wrapping your heart and arms around my little guy when I couldn't be there. Thank you for standing by me and never holding your sacrifices over or against me. Thank you for your timeless and unconditional love. I love you with all my heart.

I hope you will set yourself free now. You have crawled through the trenches and faced death with me and welcomed our new life. This has been an endurance marathon and I have tagged you out. It's your turn to live your own life now. I have to run the rest of the race without you by my side so that I can find my own abilities again and discover new strength.

Thank you mama and Jack for putting your lives on hold to help save mine. I love you both.

Michelle

Putting it all together again

2010-05-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

Here I am again. It's dark, quiet and all the rooms are filled with the rise and fall of sleep. The veins in my thin hands shine up at me from the keyboard. The only light that fills the space is the glow of my monitor. I am here tonight because my mind is wakeful. I cannot seem to find the sweet spot of peace.

My lifetime so far has been freckled with joy, adventure, extremeties of trauma and privledge and everything in between. The constant has been my ability to fall in love with life despite it's circumstance. This February, for the first time, I fell out of love with life and it almost killed me.

In the week that followed my liver transplant; my body was in screaming amounts of pain, I couldn't eat, my skin smelled from the toxic drugs and I vomited through the incision that spread from my breast to my hips. I was dehydrated and my veins were drying up so they couldn't adminster IV. I would need another hose in my neck to mainline fluids. The overwhelm and the pain came out of my mouth as I told the surgeon I needed to give up. He yelled as I hung for life on the edge of my bed and gasped through the pain, "you fought harder then anyone ever has to get this surgery. We do not give these to everyone. You owe it to your donor, the people who never got one and to the people who will die waiting to FIGHT now."

I felt the sting of shame and knew, at the same time, I did not posess the strength to fight. I thought, "Can't he see we have reached the point of no return?" However, given the lack of options he was presenting, I assured him I would re-engage the fight.

As I listened to his footsteps fade down the ward, I assessed my energy to make good on my promise. It was negative 200 and falling fast. I felt failure was a guarantee. At least I should warn my family. I did. They did not take the news well. They called for help and it came in the form of an acupuncturist who was willing to come to the hospital. He took down the cards that lined the windowsill and removed all my pictures. He took everything off my side tables except my water. Everything was too big, life was too demanding, the love I felt for the people in my life was incompacitating. He told me to focus on the very small. Eventually we narrowed life down to my son's fingernail. He told me to focus on that to keep the ember of life alive within me. It was important to keep my spirit and mind alive while I could not control anything physically. A fingernail I truly loved was truly all I could handle.

For 3 days I visualized my baby boy's fingernail, then finger, then simply his beautiful hand. I repeated "mind over matter" under my gasping breath for 3 nights and 3 days. I yelled at myself as I vomitted up my lifesaving drugs. Finally, on the 3rd morning I believed myself and held down my medications. I announced my new resolve to my family and the doctors who were overjoyed. 2 hours later, my blood work returned and I learned that my liver was in rejection. Here was the true test. But the 3 days of hardwork had paid off and my resolve was solid.

My committment to life hasn't wavered since then but the experience still affects me now. I see pictures of myself before I was sick and there is a lightness to my smile, a joy of spirit. My spirit still suffers from the prolonged illness and the shock of surgery. I miss the girl I was. I hope she's just hiding and not truly and forever changed. I don't want to be so tired, so easily overwhelmed, so inept at the simple things. Life will always be a gift that was given to me- forever. My heartbeat is a gift. Every word I say may never have been. That very fact continues to humble me, amaze me and bring me to my knees. Is there a normal in my new reality?

With gratitude and always love,

Michelle

Update and A Big Thanks!

2010-04-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

Michelle had clinic today. Things are going pretty good. Her rejection score has improved quite a bit since her last visit, so this is fantastic. The struggles at this point are still related to Small For Size Syndrome, and splenic pain. It is uncertain if her spleen will ever recover. Only time will tell. As for her last banding session, no esophageal varices were found at that time. Yea!

A huge thank you is due to the Fraternal Order of Eagles Maple Ridge Aerie #2831. This group took Michelle's family on as one of their charities this past fiscal year, and the Way's were recently honored with a cheque for nearly $1200!!! Awesome! Thank You!

tracey

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S BACK TOGETHER AGAIN!

2010-04-09T10:35:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to drop in and say hello and thank you for seeing Miss M and me through this life saving and life altering process. The enormous support, interest and amount of love and prayers has amazed and humbled us both.

I saw Miss M this week-end and we compared our matching owies and celebrated the return of mobility and semblance of strength.

We want to write our stories in more detail but they are still unfolding. We are still mopping the sweat from our brows as we recover and climb this giant mountain with regular life at the apex. For now we both hope our loved ones will understand our relative silence and the box of unwritten thank you cards we both carry around with us. They will be sent, we are eternally grateful and could not have survived without you.

I have been enjoying a 3 week break from the transplant clinic which has given me a chance to feel, heal and spend time with my Tot and family. It has taken awhile for the trauma of seeing things a 2 year old should never have to see to soothe and fade. The Tot can mostly sleep through the night without crying for me, looking to make sure I haven't gone back "to the doctor's house". I can't offer any promises but only to reassure that I AM HERE! We've had so many joyful moments. The haircut with the giggles, the morning whisper chats, photo shoots, bike rides, wheelchair races and many many others. I am so happy to be here, be alive and so thankful to you, my family and, of course, the warrior that made it possible.... my dear friend, Miss M. xoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo Much love.

Varices

2010-04-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

Michelle is going for banding today. Just when she thought that part of her life was over. During an abdominal ultrasound they found some varices on her new liver. This could be related to the suspected small for size syndrome. Hopefully they will not find any varices in her esophagus today. She could definitely use some prayers!

tracey

Thursday Clinic

2010-03-18T17:14:00.001-07:00

Michelle got her drain out today! Her bloodwork continues to look good. Here's hoping the new medication will help drain off some of that extra fluid. Her new liver showed growth on ultrasound! They are still concerned about small for size syndrome, but not panicking at this time. She is home and recovering from the trauma of the drain. Such a warrior!

trace

The Little Liver That Could

2010-03-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

From great to mini crisis. I guess this is the life of a newly transplanted patient. Michelle got to come home yesterday. She has a drain insitu to help reduce the accumulating fluid in her abdomen. The team is not quite sure what is causing the problem or what they will do about it yet. They are running a bunch of tests, and Michelle is to go into clinic tomorrow and hopefully they will have a plan of attack. Her blood counts continue to look good, thus the liver is doing what it needs to from that aspect. It may be that there is just a heavy load for this little liver, and that over time things will catch up. Hopefully providing a release of the excess fluids will relieve some of the stress. The fluid, and now the placement of the drain are causing Michelle considerable pain. I know everyone is keeping her in their thoughts and prayers, thank you!

tracey

Bump In the Road

2010-03-16T11:51:00.000-07:00

Michelle has had some painful distension of her adbomen. It got increasingly bigger and more painful, and of course the team is concerned. Today she is at VGH. She underwent an ultrasound, and they have now put in a drain. Jarvie says they are going to test the fluid. Likely to see where it is coming from and whether there is any infection. Michelle may have to be readmitted to the hospital today. Please pray this is not the case, and that whatever is causing the fluid and pain is easy to repair. Tater tot has struggled with his mama's recent hospitalization, and Michelle worries greatly about how he would handle a readmission. Please pray for a terrific outcome!

tracey

No News Is Good News

2010-03-11T19:35:00.000-08:00

Michelle is doing great! Originally they wanted to see her in clinic twice a week for awhile, but after today's appt they have decided to stretch her to once every two weeks! Do not be mistaken, she is still dealing with intense surgical pain, and has to be gentle on her stomach in terms of nutrition, and get a ton of rest. The team is impressed with her progress, but have said she is not out of the woods yet.

Thank you for your continued prayers, I know Michelle feels them. If anything new comes up I'll try to keep everyone informed.

tracey

Progress

2010-03-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

Michelle had her first clinic appt today, and they're so impressed with her progress! Her blood levels are slowly improving, her kidneys are working fine, her incision is now uncovered where only a few days ago there was a bag to contain all the drainage! So many blessings!

Miss M is feeling like there is still some fluid in her lungs, especially when she lies down. Please pray for this to resolve.

tracey

No Place Like Home

2010-03-07T16:57:00.000-08:00

Michelle is doing great at home, surrounded by her loved ones! She looks really good, but very thin. They have told her it could take months for her body to hold onto any weight. For now the focus is on staying healthy and getting stronger. Her pain has changed, and seems more manageable than pre-transplant. She came home draining away from her incision, to wake up this morning and only need one small dressing! She looks rested, and has a great glow about her. Home was a great choice : )

tracey

Here's the Great News!

2010-03-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

Michelle was discharged home last night! She only told Jarvie at home, so was going to just show up and surprise her mama, Jack, and Tater Tot! Here is a note from Michelle's mama that sums up the last couple of days really well. Thank you prayer warriors!
tracey

From Jer last night:
Today showed a decrease in Michelle's liver counts, which means things are improving. This is the second day in a row this has happened. Also, they saw that her new liver is growing very well!

Rachel Kuhn has done an amazing and exemplary job of serving Michelle, with lots of love and massages and laying on of hands, and helping her in every way possible, putting in long hours at the hospital. We could not have done it this week without her. Thank you Rachel.

This evening, Michelle was told she could be released from the hospital tonight and go home!!!!!!!!!!! Rachel was with her and was so excited she was running back and forth six blocks several times with personal belongings to put in the car! They said they trust her to read the signs in her body, and to return to the hospital if any of the warning signs are observed. They feel she will heal better at home, and be able to eat the foods that will nurture her back to health! And it will be healing to be reunited with her son. So she came home.

Please continue to pray for her body's acceptance of the grafting of her liver and for the liver's continued improvement in function. Also that her digestive and eliminative system be restored to optimum health, with all fluids and gases dissipating as part of the healing process, allowing all her organs to function normally. As her health improves, may there be a gradual and easeful relinquishment of all pain medications.

Thank you for all your prayers and support.

Jerilyn

Suspense

2010-03-05T20:41:00.000-08:00

Big news this evening. I don't want to ruin any surprises, so you all will have to wait until tomorrow! *wink*

tracey

A Special Day : )

2010-03-03T18:18:00.000-08:00

Three years ago today, in the wee hours of the morning, sweet Nater Tater came into the world.

This little guy was so wanted by his parents. Michelle had a difficult labor, due to her Wilson's disease she was permitted very little intervention in terms of pain control. Jarvie called her his hero. I never saw a mother so proud as she showed off her new little bundle. Sienna caught a first glimpse of her new buddy.

Tater tot is a charmer, and everyday he shows he is brilliant and strong like his mama.

We love you little dude, Happy 3rd Birthday!

xoxo tracey, craig, and sienna

Who You Calling Small?

2010-03-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

Small For Size Syndrome. This is what they suspect Michelle might be dealing with. They took a look yesterday and decided they didn't need to add a shunt after all. The doctors are really impressed with how Michelle is doing, it's just those darn liver enzymes that are elevated. They are actually talking discharge, hopefully soon! Michelle has been granted a day pass for little man's birthday this weekend! All steps in the right direction. Praying Michelle's new liver will grow quickly and put an end to this issue. Michelle has such a great energy about her, if anyone can make an organ grow it will be her!

Miss M was discharged from hospital today! She is doing so well, it looks like she will be able to go back to the island sooner than originally thought. Hurray!

tracey

Another Procedure

2010-03-01T13:31:00.000-08:00

Michelle is going to get a shunt today, to help with drainage of bile that has been accumulating around the liver. Hopefully this will help reduce irritation to the liver and maybe reverse whatever is causing her recent troubles. She continues to feel pretty good considering. The procedure is scheduled to be done under conscious sedation. Please pray that the procedure is flawless, and that it will actually help improve the function and engraftment of Michelle's new liver.

tracey

Grow Liver Grow!

2010-02-28T20:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Michelle's kidney's were functioning at about 1/3 of their ability. Today there was improvement, which is terrific! They switched her to a new anti-rejection med, hoping it would be easier on her kidneys, and it seems to be doing the trick. Her liver enzymes are still elevated. The biopsy results showed the possibility of a few issues. One being the liver piece might just be too small to handle the load. This is the least favorable option at this time. The other has to do with rejection. They are going to mega dose her with steroids over the next few days to see if they can combat rejection if this is indeed the case. Michelle is feeling stronger, eating more, sounds brighter, and has better pain control and less nausea. This definitaly counts for something! We will pray that she will overcome whatever is going on smoothly and quickly. Grow liver, grow!

Michelle feels so blessed to have you all, as we are to have her : ). She has a dear friend coming in from the San Fransisco area this week, which I'm sure will be wonderful for her morale!

tracey

Awsome Article!

2010-02-27T21:04:00.000-08:00

Miss M makes the news, and does a fantastic job with her interview! Check out the story in the Parksville Qualicum Beach News:

http://www.bclocalnews.com/vancouver_island_central/parksville_qualicumbeachnews/news/Whats_half_a_liver_between_friends.html

On Top Of Her Game

2010-02-27T09:06:00.000-08:00

Michelle may have discovered the reason for her rejection symptoms! She realized that the anti-rejection medication they have been giving her the last little while may have been a lower dose than it was supposed to be! How great would it be if all she has to do is bump up the meds for a bit and get back on track! Praying for a great outcome!
tracey

A Few Steps Forward, One Step Back...

2010-02-26T19:52:00.000-08:00

Miss M is doing awesome! There may even be some talk about discharge early next week! Fantastic!

Michelle's day started off great. She had a big breakfast, had some reprieve from the pain, and even the team was gushing about her progress. She settled in and had a long nap...and woke up to staff looking over her with concern. Some of her bloodwork showed signs that could potentially mean the start of rejection. She was sent down for an ultrasound and emergency liver biopsy. The first surgeon was too afraid to do the biopsy herself. How unsettling for Michelle. Luckily the next guy who came in was oozing with confidence and got the job done on his first try. Hopefully the results will come quickly, like in the next 24hrs, and show that everything is fine. If this is early rejection, there are still treatment options to save the liver. We will not despair! Michelle will get through this and get back on the path to full recovery! Praying for you chikadee, always in my thoughts.

tracey

A New Approach

2010-02-25T18:40:00.000-08:00

Michelle sounded so much brighter tonight, and she reported she is taking a new approach. Michelle is usually very positive, but I guess the last few days have really taken their toll on her. She has decided she needs to be more positive, as this is the best option for her to thrive. Right now she is fighting to eat and drink, but knows she needs to do this. She will survive this!!! Please continue to pray for her pain and nausea relief, that her blood work will stabilize, and that she can hold onto all the positive thoughts that will help get her over this hurdle.

Apparently Miss M is off all IVs and drains, but still struggling with pain. Please pray that she will heal, have relief of her pain, and get back home to her family soon!

tracey

8 Days Post-Op

2010-02-24T21:12:00.000-08:00

Many thanks for the flowers and well wishes! Michelle is sorry she cannot contact you all and thank you herself. She is feeling SO SICK. Like feeling REALLY sick. Not all of this was unexpected, but some things are concerning. Some of her blood levels are a bit unfavorable, and they are looking into this tonight.

Everyone has been doing such a great job praying, sending positive thoughts and healing vibes. Thank you! I am so looking forward to when I can post some awesome news again. Soon!

tracey

Flowers

2010-02-24T16:20:00.000-08:00

Miss M. might be getting her lung drain out today, a praise!
Michelle is still struggling. The team will hopefully take a new approach to treating her nausea and pain, as thus far they have been unsuccessful.

Michelle clarified the flower situation for me yesterday, but it slipped my mind, sorry! Both girls can have cut flowers. Michelle cannot have flowers/plants in soil. There is a risk of mold spores growing in soil, thus creating a health risk for Michelle in her immunocompromised state. Maybe choose an arrangement that isn't too overpowering either, as both girls are apparently sensitive to smells! The address for VGH is a few posts down. Thanks!

tracey

Our Fighter

2010-02-23T19:37:00.000-08:00

Michelle's kidneys may be struggling with the medications. The doctors are worried about her overall status. Please pray for her health, and that she receives the best care possible.
tracey

Struggles, Prayer Needed

2010-02-23T16:37:00.000-08:00

I haven't seen Michelle personally for a few days(another story). She phoned me this afternoon, I was so excited! I am sorrowed to report she is struggling with nausea and subsequent dehydration, and her pain has been a struggle to control. She had all her IV's removed, but could not maintain her own hydration. Her kidneys are suffering. She has been put back on IV fluids today.

Her surgical site is having copious amounts of drainage. They swabbed her incision today to check for infection. Michelle sounds so down. She could really use our prayers; for pain relief, for her nausea to subside, for her incision to heal, for the health of her kidneys.

Miss M is reportedly doing better today in terms of pain control, she has also been struggling with pain. Neither of our girls is doing well with eating. Please keep Miss M in your prayers also.

tracey

Such a Rascal!

2010-02-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

Michelle had a nice little visit with Tater Tot on sunday, the first one since before her surgery. I'm sure it was wonderful for both of them to be reunited.

As part of the live-donor program it is strongly recommended that donor and recipient not see each other while in hospital. It can be too emotional, and imagine the heartache one might feel if they saw the other suffering. To facilitate this further, donor and recipient are not even kept on the same floor of the hospital. Well wouldn't you know, on sunday, you-know-who bolts(probably being generous with that word choice!) for the elevator and scoots up to the 9th floor! Understandabley, she wanted to see for herself that Miss M was okay. What a rascal, that girl of ours! Michelle is obviously doing well with her mobility!

I have been asked re: flowers, Jarvie told me yesterday that neither girl is apparently allowed flowers. Not sure what the protocal is at VGH. I do know there are a lot of scent-free zones, so maybe flowers are too allergenic? I think cards should be fine for both girls. The hospital address is:
899 west 12th ave
vancouver, BC
V5Z 1M9

or alternatively you can send to the trust address on right blog panel, or to the family's home if you have their address.

tracey

Post-Op Day 4

2010-02-20T16:51:00.000-08:00

Both girls are still doing well for post-op!

Michelle is doing little walks to the bathroom now! Her blood work is looking good! They are trying to switch Michelle over to all oral meds so she can get off her IV. She is hoping to feel well enough tomorrow for Tater Tot to come see her for the first time since surgery.

Miss M was found to have some fluid in her lung, so now has a drainage tube there. The doctor has assured Michelle that Miss M will be fine.

Praying for Michelle's grafting and healing. Praying for Miss M's healing and for the fluid in her lung to resolve quickly.

Thanks!
tracey

We Have Activity!

2010-02-19T14:19:00.000-08:00

Michelle is sitting in a chair!
She may try to increase her diet today as well, thus far has been clear fluids.
Go girl go!

tracey

Lookin' Good!

2010-02-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

I saw both ladies today and they looked awesome! Miss M. was up walking 3 times today! Pain is still an issue, But she's lookin' great!

Michelle is out of ICU and onto the transplant unit as of tonight. She's scheduled to get up tomorrow with the physiotherapist! WooHoo! Nothing but progress friends! Again, pain is still an issue for Michelle too, but they're working on it.

I'm so excited for these two to get well, they are definitely on their way!

tracey

Complete with Fireworks!

2010-02-18T09:18:00.000-08:00

Michelle and Miss M. were doing great last night in terms of post op. Both are having some issues with pain, that hopefully will be resolved soon. Michelle seemed more comfortable when I left her last night.

Michelle looks healthier already! Her new liver has even brought up her platelets already! She was drowsy from the medication, but could carry a conversation. We were giddy as we discussed all the things that will be different for her now that she has her brand spankin' new liver! No zinc, no more nausea, no more banding, heck she can probably even drink tap water now!

The staff kept commenting on how well she was doing. The surgeon popped by and said things were going well, but she's not out of the woods yet. He said they had a great organ to work with. Way to go Miss M.!

I sat with Michelle, gave her sips of water and fed her ice chips, it was sweet : ). We even got to watch the olympic fireworks. Well I did, and half the staff, cause Michelle had the best view in the house. She snoozed through it ; )

Hopefully Michelle will be getting a few more tubes out today, and she may even get transferred to the transplant ward. She would really like to normalize enough to see Tater tot, and she's also eager to see Miss M.

Praying for pain relief, healing for both; and of course for Michelle's new liver to graft and love it's new home!

Please Hold Off...

2010-02-17T11:06:00.000-08:00

I have been asked to request no flowers, cards, etc while Michelle is in ICU. She will have more space once she is moved to her own room.
Thanks!

tracey

Post-Op

2010-02-17T09:00:00.000-08:00

Miss M. looked good when Jarvie saw her last night. Cracking jokes, watching, tv. They were trying to get her pain under control when Jarvie Left. Apparently the donor can have more pain issues that the recipient. After all, Michelle was dealing with pain for years, Miss M. went into surgery healthy with no pain. She said she felt like she was hit by a bus!

Michelle was alert when Jarvie got to see her last night. She was struggling with the ventilator. The ventilator was removed this morning, earlier than usual. Apparently Michelle breathed on her own during much of the surgery. That's the Michelle we all know!!!

Michelle is still in the ICU. At this time she needs as much rest as possible. The family has requested no visits or phone calls at this time. They will let us know when she has moved to the transplant floor and is up for socializing. Thanks!

tracey

The Transplant is Complete!

2010-02-16T21:13:00.000-08:00

Michelle is in the Recovery Room! The surgeon says the surgery went as perfect as it could have gone! We could not ask for better news than this! To say I am elated is an understatement!!!

Michelle will likely move to the ICU after recovery until she is more stable. She may not be awake right away. Miss M. is awake and Jarv is just on his way up to see her!

Such a day of blessings! Michelle and Miss M. are so strong and brave!

Please pray that both women will heal without complications, and that Michelle will not have any rejection.

Today is a glorious day : )

tracey

Miss. M. Update

2010-02-16T17:53:00.000-08:00

Text from Jarvie: Miss M is now officially out of surgery. She is in recovery and they are just waiting to be able to see her! Hurray!

tracey

Miss M. Still In Surgery Afterall

2010-02-16T16:36:00.000-08:00

Just got a text from Jarvie, he said there was a misunderstanding. Miss M was understood to be out of OR earlier, but turns out she is still in surgery, should be out soon. Things are still going well for her! Michelle will be in for quite a while longer I suspect.

tracey

Into The OR

2010-02-16T12:34:00.000-08:00

Michelle has just gone in! She was feeling ready this morning and the doctors are in great spirits. The sun is shining, it's a glorious day here in Vancouver!

Your gonna shine my chikadee!

tracey

Tomorrow

2010-02-15T18:53:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is surgery day. Miss M. will be going into the OR at approx 7am, with Michelle to follow around 10am. Please pray; that both women will respond well to the anesthesia, that the surgeon's will be at the top of their game's with their skills and wisdom, that both women will come out of surgery having done fantastically! I am very confident they will both do well. Michelle will recover and go on to do awesome things with her life. Tater tot will have his mama back in full gear.

Please understand that this is an insurmountably difficult night for Michelle. Please check in with family before making phone calls or visits to the hospital.

Please let this surgery by smooth and flawless. Please provide comfort and assurance for Michelle tonight as she tries to rest before her big day.

My heart is with you my chikadee.

tracey

3 More Days

2010-02-13T17:53:00.000-08:00

Today a doctor told Michelle that she was instrumental in getting some other people their surgery dates too! How fantastic is that!!! Vancouver MLA Adrian Dix was in to visit Michelle in her hospital room. He was very supportive and talked to us about how many surgeries are on hold. He said people were asking him about Michelle at Olympic events yesterday, as they had seen her story on the CTV news broadcast. I love how our community comes together when there is need. Thank you Mr. Dix for your humanity and political support.

Michelle remains without a feeding tube. They have decided since her surgery is so soon they will try to wait it out. In the meantime she is getting some fluids via IV. I tried to tempt her with her fave DQ banana milk shake today, but it just wouldn't go down.

It is extremely understandable that Michelle is very nervous right now. Her surgery is a risky one, no doubt. She really needs to feel our prayers and positive thoughts right now.

Always Thankful,
Tracey

Woo Hoo!

2010-02-12T15:50:00.000-08:00

Talked to Miss. M, she has heard from the transplant team themselves. It's a go!!! I am doing a happy dance with my 3yr old right now!!!
tracey

A Huge Blessing!

2010-02-12T15:37:00.000-08:00

The director of media relations for Vancouver Coastal Health visited Michelle in her hospital room today. He asked her to stop the media. He said she will be getting her life saving surgery...this coming Tuesday!!! This has not come from the transplant team or her doctor yet, but we will hold him to his word!!! This is a wonderful day : )

May this be another pathway to improve healthcare access to all who need it here in our province.

With much excitement and optimism,
tracey

Needing Rest

2010-02-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

Michelle spiked a fever last night that has the doctors concerned. She has had many fevers in the past, so I'm not sure if this one is different, or if they are more worried because she is so worn down now.

The family is limiting visitors at this time, as Michelle is exhausted and feeling so unwell. If you'd like to visit, please check in with Jarvie or Michelle's mama first, and they can let you know what Michelle is feeling up to.

A dear friend and committee member lent Michelle an internet stick, but she couldn't get a good connection from her hospital room. Maybe when she gets moved to another floor she will have better internet access.

Will keep you updated.

tracey

Making Headlines!

2010-02-11T18:11:00.000-08:00

Poor Michelle was in rough shape today, suffering with pain and nausea. Her dear nurse was doing all he could to help her find comfort. She has not had anything to eat in over 24hrs. They have yet to start the tube feeds, but hopefully tonight. Michelle had some exciting visitors today, a couple of reporters from The Province newspaper! They waited so patiently while Michelle hunched over in agony and waited for her IV meds to bring her some relief from the spasms and nausea. Tater tot showed up a bit later with Michelle's mama and J. He came toting his little suitcase of toys he had packed last night. So sweet! They had a nice cuddle and chat. He is doing as well as a little boy can do in such a situation. Please continue to pray for the family.

Don't forget to check out Michelle's story in The Province newspaper tomorrow!

tracey

Michelle's In The News!

2010-02-11T08:15:00.001-08:00

For anyone who didn't get to see Michelle on the news last night, here's an article CTV put up on their website. Check it out and pass it around. Let's get people talking!

http://www.ctvbc.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20100211/bc_liver_transplant_100210/20100211?hub=BritishColumbia‏

Praying for my sweet friend who was admitted to hospital last night.

Tracey

Thank You CTV!

2010-02-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

Michelle's story will air tonight on CTV at 11:30pm.

Thank you CTV for seeing the urgency in this case and sending out a crew right away!

Tracey

Michelle Needs Your Help!

2010-02-10T12:48:00.000-08:00

As you all know, Michelle has been approved for live-donor surgery. An unfortunate side of things is this:
Due to reduced surgical bookings during the Olympics, and already high competition for OR spaces, her surgeons cannot give her a surgery date nor guarantee she will get one in time. Michelle's health is extremely compromised at this time. Because of her pain and nausea, Michelle has been unable to maintain her weight or meet her nutritional needs. I am sad to report that today she will be admitted into the hospital for tube feedings unless her doctor agrees she is stable enough to do this at home with home care.
We need to get the word out that Michelle could die if she doesn't get a new liver soon. The government needs to work with the hospitals to provide more Operating Room time! If anyone has any media contacts or ideas on how we can help Michelle get her surgery, please contact us! way-to-live@hotmail.com

tracey

The Verdict

2010-01-28T10:47:00.000-08:00

Michelle has talked with the team.

Seems the meeting ran long today, as she called me at 9:17am and hadn't heard from them yet.

Nerve-wracking, cause if you don't hear from them right away your mind starts to run wild.

The final verdict:

Michelle has been unanimously approved for live-donor surgery!

If a suitable cadavar comes up in the meantime, she will get that, but otherwise they are looking at booking an OR for her ASAP. The news of her recently diagnosed heart condition made the decision clear for everyone. No more bandaids. Michelle needs a new liver.

This is amazing news! Finally! She has been assured there are no take-backs this time, she will be getting a surgery. We will be partying it up BIG. And by big I mean probably low key like a round of Dairy Queen with the girls : ). But our hearts are swelling big right now with joy, and we'll do it up right when Michelle is feeling better.

Thank you everyone for all your prayers. Please continue to pray for Michelle and Miss M while they wait for their surgeries, that the doctors will perform with excellence, and that Michelle will be healed of this suffering.

Tracey

from Michelle.... twas the night before Thursday....

2010-01-28T01:08:00.000-08:00

Well here I sit at 1:09am. It's officially Thursday now. The doc's will be meeting in less then 6 hours. My specialist asked to see me today. He wants to be prepared for today's meeting and tells me that the shortness of breath I have been having is indeed related to my liver failure. I have now developed a cardiac condition related to my liver. Okay now we have liver, gallbladder (RIP), spleen, kidney's and heart all involved. Help!!!

I talked to Miss M. several times over the past few days as you may imagine. She is still waiting to get married, have children etc even as she stretches near the middle of child bearing age. She melts me. After hearing the dismal stats shared by the surgeon (46% of their list died last year, they have the worst STATS in North America for numbers of completed transplants).... we are losing hope of a cadaver liver materializing in time. Meghan writes another letter urging the team to schedule surgery for March (the next available slot). She wants to move all our lives along to the recovery and baby making side of the equation! Amen sister!!!!!!!!

Well this week I have had a lot of chance to lie in bed and therefore think of my lot in life. I have been so blessed throughout my life and even now. I have so much real love in my life. It is the only thing sustaining me now. I cannot eat. Food makes me nauseaus and in pain. It`s not worth it. I just economize. Yes... banana milk shakes (Dairy Queen are best) still make me smile.

Thank you to Bob and De Lollis family. You have always shown me your true hearts, shared the richness of the blood the flows through your family with me. I have sat on your laps, jiggled your chin and smelled your sweet perfume. I have laughed and heard your stories and seen your babies grow. Thank you for filling my childhood with the vibrance of your family and the strength of your characters. You all got together and bought me a laptop computer so that I can stay in touch while I am in bed. Thank you so very much. I love you all.

And there`s my work who remembers me after all these years now and gifts me to make sure I can celebrate Christmas. Thank you!!!! Your thoughtfullness and generosity is uplifting and brought me so much joy. I love you all.

My mom and her husband are living with us now. They have 2 rooms upstairs running as their office and bedrooms. The Tot has gotten used to finding available hands, hearts and love in the rooms upstairs. Between the 4 of us he has someone to play with, eat with, cuddle with or talk to. It`s nice to see him growing with the strength and numbers of family around him. I don`t worry as much now when the wear of going up and down the stairs necessitates a cat nap. I can easily pass him to my mama for awhile til I catch my breath and catch a few z`s. If it wasn`t for my constant pain I might say life is okay for now. But, it`s not. I`m not doing anything for myself anymore despite herculean efforts every day. No amount of effort succeeds in getting me past the prison of disease in my body. This is a huge departure from ME. Thank you mama and Jack for being me when I am not.

Oh my docs, please hear me and listen to your hearts. Please feel confidence in the skill behind your eyes and in your hands. You can do this for us. You can set us free to get back to our lives and live to the fullest. You won`t be sorry. You will affirm life. I PROMISE. Please bring me joy at 9am tomorrow. Please please please god. Please Lord. I beg you. Please. Set us free to live again. Thank you for all that you have offered me and my family. I ask you for this one more gift of life.

Staying Hopeful

2010-01-25T21:26:00.000-08:00

Michelle walked into an appointment today and was met with an overwhelming "you look fantastic" from one of the surgeons. Say What??? And to top it off, when Michelle said Tater tot was in daycare outside of the home because he struggled with seeing her so sick, the same man replied that it was normal for mothers to want time to themselves when they had children this age. OH MY GOODNESS. He does not know our Michelle!!! She stood her ground and had her husband, mama, and Mr.J by her side.

That being said, there were some positives(for lack of better term) to come out of today's appointments, ie: recognition of her pain, increased MELD score, a suspicious lesion on the liver that needs an MRI ASAP, kidney enlargement, weight loss... And for those who don't know, Michelle has had a broken pager from the transplant team for months, they told her there was no urgency to replace it. Well she left that office today with a shiny, brand new, blinged out pager!

So it could go either way at this point, whether they will increase her priority for transplant. The team will meet on Thursday and hash out their thoughts and educated opinions. Please everyone pray for this team to have the wisdom and heart to guide them in the best direction for Michelle. Her best chance is with a whole cadaver liver. We need to will this pager to go off! Live donor surgery is not off the table yet, but the team has had reservations about this thus far.

So that's my second hand summary on the current situation. Please be in prayer for Michelle and for her family. And although we don't always understand how decisions are made, or why things are said, please be in prayer for the transplant team. The job they do is hard, they work with very sick people and very few organs. I believe they do care about Michelle.

Tracey

“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

We'll Let You Know

2010-01-25T13:21:00.000-08:00

Michelle's team does their assessments on monday, has rounds thursday, then get back to the clients after that. She will likely not know the plan until after thursday. Please respect the family's wishes for quiet and rest, they are trying to limit phone calls at this time. Not that they don't love you all! But they are very exhausted right now. As soon as there is news, they will get the word out. Thanks!

Tracey

Assessment Day

2010-01-25T08:50:00.000-08:00

Michelle's ER visit would not be one I would describe as successful. In attempts to treat her pain she ended up with only a little relief and a lot of nausea. The doc not wanting to call in a liver specialist, or do much more himself that night...back home she went. Today is her appointment with the transplant team. Please hold her in your thoughts, and pray that the team will decide to prioritize her transplant.

Tracey

Too Much

2010-01-22T20:33:00.000-08:00

Michelle is in Emergency tonight. Her pain has been just terrible, despite her and her doctor's best efforts to control it at home.

The last few weeks have been mostly spent in bed. Her abdominal pain is unmanageable, her vomiting frequent, she has had muscle spasms that take over her face, numbness and pain in her arms... Her liver damaged and cirrhotic, a blood clot blocking it's major blood vessel. Her heart showing signs of wear and tear and her kidneys enlarged as they try to keep up with the portal hypertension. Her spleen grossly enlarged, complete with an aneurysm. Some new startling symptoms suggest possible spinal nerve compression from her oversized organs. Varices popping out of her abdomen. She needs our prayers. There is an appointment scheduled for this coming monday, Michelle's 3 month check-in with the transplant team. Please Lord will they now have enough evidence to prioritize her on the transplant list.

Tracey

An update... from Michelle (post 3 of 3)

2009-12-21T11:38:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, my tot was having trouble falling asleep in his little bed. He insisted on sleeping with me in the spare room. I asked him if he was sick and he shook his head vigorously. I knew something was bothering him so I leaned him and kissed his rounded cheek. I reminded him that I’m his mommy and he can tell me anything. He whispered softly, “you are”. I repeated his words and asked him what he meant. He said it again. I repeated my question and snuggled him close to me. He whispered loudly, “You’re sick mama.” He had never said the words out loud before. I wasn’t ready to hear him say it now. Up till that moment I believed that he didn't really know what was going on. I burst into tears despite my urgent desire to be in control of my emotions. It was his turn now. I couldn’t stop the waterfall steaming down my face. He jumped into my arms and held me silently. I could hear his breathing quickening, almost panting. I quieted and he told me he is so scared. He hears me throwing up. He’s afraid the doctors aren’t going to save me. They are taking too long mama. He wants to fix me with his toy tools. He loves me so much and he’s afraid that I am going to die. I gasp. I didn’t even know he knew that word. I feel like I have just listened to the confessions of a 15 year old and look at his tiny face and hands to remind myself that he is only 2 years old. I remind him too. I told him that he must lean on me, tell me if he is hurting and how he feels. Suddenly he is in my lap in the cradle position (like when he nursed). He started to howl like a newborn and I rocked him with tears dripping off my chin and soaking his pajamas. I wept silently while he gasped and sobbed. I started to sing softly to him and he slowly calmed.

Soon only the chudders of a child's cry remained and I still rocked him while speaking softly. I tell him that mama was born with something broken inside of her tummy that needs to be fixed. Mama needs a new part. I tell him I won’t be sick forever. At least I can promise him that. I tell him that there is a special doctor who can fix me. A look of relief washes over his face and he smiles before pronouncing, "I will meet him mama. I want to meet the doctor who is going to fix you." I can`t imagine the high and mighty Dr. S would be able to look at his little face and deny his request. In fact, our sweet tot has been to the transplant clinic with me only once. It was after his visit that they activated me on the liver transplant list.
I do believe that my son will see me well again. I believe I will dance and work and lift and climb and ride and run like I used to one day. I tell him this and he is happy. I cannot believe this amazing child came out of my body and is my son. He is truly a living, breathing miracle. Thank you. I love you little boy.

And now for a quick health and wealth update....

After being rejected by Toronto and BC once again in back to back losses we were burnt out, done and depleted. We have been living this white knuckle ride as if each day could be my last. We cannot continue like this. Jarvie, my mom, Meghan, Tracey, Heather and literally everyone I know has done everything we can to get this surgery done. I literally got on my hands and knees and begged the BC transplant surgeon to do the surgery. I told him quite simply that I don't want to be dying anymore, I want to be recovering or dead. One or the other. I asked him please set all of us free from this truly insane process. He responded by telling me that it was really his decision at the end of the day. It is one of the most difficult of his career. Keeps him up at night. He needs to feel in his gut that the time is right. Leave it with him until Thursday. We shot ourselves in the foot by going to Toronto because they said no too. Ugh... Thursday- no call so I initiate contact. No dice. See you in January.

I am quite sick now. The disease is literally oozing and popping out of me and I am drowning in its force. I cannot believe that I will be rejected again when I return to the transplant clinic in January. My kidney’s are bloated with backflow of blood (shunting) from the spleen. The pressure between the organs has resulted in ginormous varices in my torso which are now protruding from my skin and look like bloated worms after a rainstorm. I simply cannot get the upper hand on my pain or my nausea or my fatigue or the feeling that I have been poisoned. I am losing the memory of wellness now. I watch myself moving in videos when my son was first born and I am relieved to hear my laugh and see how easily I moved and danced. It hurts to wrap christmas presents now.

Well.... I've had enough. At the beginning of November I took a long hard look at the finances and the pit of debt we were falling into as we tried in vain to make ends meet. This and we were getting so much help from our friends and family. Unbearable! In November I attend another fundraiser despite my deep regret for needing more help. I felt the now familiar sting of humiliation as I see the familiar faces that fill the room to take from their means and gift our needs. These are people who struggle as much as I do! I know I would do the same for them and have, but now it is different because there is no end in sight. I feel hopeless.

Resolve: I have to stand on my own 2 feet again. The fact that I cannot pay my own bills has demoralized me. I could stomach it when I thought it was going to be a short term problem but now I must make my life work better. This hell could go on for another year and that`s just waiting for the surgery. I keep reminding myself that the surgery is only the beginning. The real battle for my life is the post-op recovery. I will pray every day and I will assume the salvation. My goal: self-sufficiency, creating a happy, stable as possible environment for the tot.
To this end- we met with the real-estate agent- can we sell? We talk to the mortgage broker- can we do anything there? Despite what should have been impassable barriers we were approved for re-financing and lowered our monthly expenses considerably. We also traded our minivan (after some fancy footwork) for a cheaper ride. And the hardest decision of all.... we re-evaluated the nanny. Having full time care was a decision we made because we thought surgery was imminent and at the time I was at high risk for going into a coma. And, my son was still a baby. Now, he is almost 3. He is seeing, listening, feeling, watching and learning so much every day. He has to spend too much time worrying about his mama so we decided it is best for him to be cared for outside the home.

We still have the nanny 1 time per week when she comes to clean and visit, but the Tot is now in pre-school 2 mornings and daycare for 3 full days per week. It is a wonderful structured happy and safe environment where he is well cared for and plays well. He has already made good friends there and comes home full of stories and all tired out. We are at just about the same speed by the time I pick him up. We are all adjusting but it feels better already. As luck would have it my mom and her husband arrived just as the nanny vacated so the sting of her leaving wasn’t as bad. My mom tells me she will likely stay for good this time. Again, I am grateful.

I would like to send a big shout out to God. Thank you! I don’t know who’s been granting all my wishes and prayers but they’ve been busy! Jarvie was assigned 2 more accounts this week!!!! He is concerned about being away from home more now with his increased workload but we are going to try and make it work. Bring on the frozen dinners and bring home the bacon baby! I'm so proud of you. "See ya with all my heart!"

I’m not sure yet but it seems like our financial ducks are finally lining up in that row they’ve been running away from! We haven’t dotted our I`s eyes or crossed our `T’s yet so still and perpetually praying...

Thank you all so much for your friendship, love and support of any and all kinds. I am eternally grateful. If we attain self sufficiency my prayers will have been answered but I know better than to count on it. Things change all the time when you are waiting for a transplant and living with a toddler!! I wish you all a happy healthy holiday season. Thanks for listening. xox

Making up for lost time (Michelle post 2 of 3)

2009-12-21T10:47:00.000-08:00

Waiting for a liver transplant has affected every area of my life. But one of my favourite impacts has been the time I have been able to spend with my grandparents on my dad's side. My Granny is 93 and Gramps is 83 or there abouts. For a number of reasons, I never got to know them as a child. I moved to Canada at the age of 20 and began the slow process of getting to know my father`s side of the family. I wanted to matter as much as the other grandchildren who had been bounced on the knee, combed their dollies hair and collected shells on the beach in front of their house. But, you cannot recreate these bond forming memories as an adult so I have felt like an outsider. Slowly over the last 13 years the relationships have grown but progress always hampered by life’s many commitments.

My grandparents have been married over 50 years and are still on their honeymoon. Their secret as far as I can tell is that they always admire and put each other up on a pedestal. They have a lot of reasons to love each other which makes it easier I guess!

Gramps admires Granny's strength. For example, a few months ago Granny fell and broke her hip and leg in 4 places. She went to the hospital, waited a few days for surgery, had surgery and got up and walked the within days. She was out of the hospital within a month and now doesn't even use a walker. Not long before this Granny lost her thumb on a cruise when a metal door slammed shut on it one stormy night at sea. She held the thumb back on and waited the several days it took to reach land and receive proper medical attention. By then it was too late to save the thumb. Granny often remembers her thumb fondly and thanks it for all it's contributions to her life but she didn’t miss a beat. She went to physiotherapy and got full function back at the age of 92. 1 year or so prior to that Granny fractured 3 vertebrae in her back reeling in a large fish. She waited to get back home and get x-rays and treatment. Once again she made a full recovery.

After the fishing accident my Grandfather decided it was time to move out their 3 story house in Sechelt. He thought it was best to get Granny off those slippery stairs. This is how they came to live in a condo near our home.
During Granny's most recent injury to her hip, she was hospitalized for several weeks. I really wanted to be there with her. I know how boring hospitals can be! During my first visit I overcame my self-consciousness quickly. Soon I was seated beside her bed with Gramps standing watch over us. At 93 she is still beautiful. We spoke quietly for awhile. People passed in and out of the room. I felt surrounded by kindred spirit. The pace was slow, the air quiet and yet there was a quiet and determined drive for recovery and intention of strength.

In the visits that followed I combed my grandmother’s hair and placed her Hawaiian flower clip just so. I encouraged her through sips of soup and we made fun of the food. She was enjoying the effects of the pain relievers and amused herself and us with a series of one-liners and her opinions on life. In the months that have followed I have made repeated visits out to my Grandparent's place. We sit there in the quiet and speak when we can, eat when we can and nurture each other through pain, illness and gratitude. We celebrate the successes big and small and enjoy the beans of energy we are afforded each day. Sometimes our plans are foiled when one of us is too sick to visit. Most recently I was honoured to decorate my grandmother’s tree. I hung snowflakes that were over 100 years old crocheted by my great grandmother. My Granny spends her life creating, painting and crafting; there were many handmade treasures stamped with her signature, a lady bug.

My Grandparents are the strongest people I have ever met. I know the strength that flows through them was passed to my dad and courses through my brother and me. It feeds my spirit every day. It is the breath of resolve and endurance that proves any circumstance is possible and all outcomes are affected by determination of spirit. I am so grateful to have found friendship with my grandparents and to have been given the opportunity to make up for lost time. Thanks for the visits, the cooking lessons, the this'n'that's, the questions, having most of the answers, listening, caring and being there. I love you both so very much. Here's to many more visits and successful sausage gravy feasts!

Midnight musings- by Michelle (post 1 of 3)

2009-12-21T10:40:00.000-08:00

It is 12:09 midnight at the Way house and nothing is stirring except this mouse. My fingers are nibbling at the keys. My dad used to like to sit and listen to me type his hand written journals or transcribe his reading. He used to say my typing sounded like a gerbil. The clickety-clack was so fast and relentless.

My dad was a story teller and writer. He used metaphors and wit to re=tell the adventures of his life. The most important story he told or wrote was of his relationship to Rasheed, a young man he befriended in the inner cities of Camden New Jersey. My dad volunteered to move there and be part of Urban Promise, a mission group who assisted the impoverished in fixing their homes and enrolling in schools, learning the trades etc. During his life my dad kept a journal which he wrote in every day. He treated his self-imposed 3 page per day quota with a devotion rarely found. We converted the journal entries from that time into a book which he titled 'The Camden Diaries'.

In the weeks leading to my papa’s death he spoke repeatedly about his writing and his book. It was his dying wish that his book be published. My brother and I promised him we would do our best but he wasn’t satisfied. We tried to secure a publisher before he passed and my brother, thinking we had been successful told my dad he was going to be published. A look of relief passed over his face that I had not seen before. He smiled and wept with joy. He died believing this. His book is still not published.

December 10th was my father’s birthday and the 2 year anniversary of my being admitted to Richmond General Hospital for stomach pain. The pain turned out to be the first flag waver of end-stage liver disease. When my husband drove me to the hospital that night I believed my symptoms were due to pregnancy. You may imagine my disappointment to learn that quite the opposite was true. My liver was dying; I was not creating a new life inside me. This, after I pre-emptively bought a 7 seat minivan to house our growing family! I’ve always been an incurable optimist.
My dad believed that certain people were born into this world to bring positive change to people’s lives in big ways and in small. He called these people Advocates. Advocates are called to face negativity with fresh ideas, positive change and creativity. I asked my dad if he was using the word advocate to describe what others may call an Angel. No. Advocates are aggressively pursuing positive change. Angels are too nice! He told me he was an advocate and so was I. I didn't mind being called an advocate. I looked upon it as an honourable expectation.

My dad was given a year to live but never assigned power of attorney or wrote a will. The only provision he cared about was his journals which he left to me. All his affairs and everything he owned were left to my brother and me to sort out. Some people were offended and dumbfounded by my father’s refusal to assign power of attorney or write a will. He never faced the end during his last year. He fought only to live and assumed this outcome until there was no possibility of it being so. And, even then he wouldn’t commit it to paper. Ahh... papa. It was your birthday December 10th. I guess I’m missing you.

Changes

2009-12-12T09:02:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! I wanted to give a little update.

Michelle had her pain management appointment recently. I attended as a support. Unfortunately I can't say there was any ground breaking changes to her treatment plan. In her doctors defense, Michelle's case is complicated and pain meds need to be chosen carefully due to her liver failure. And with any pain management plan there is often trial and error. So at this point she is to take meds around the clock and try to get the pain under control; rather that what she had been doing, which was trying to tough out as much pain as possible then take something when it was unbearable. A few days into this plan and she's still trying to find some relief. I feel so badly for her, her pain is so intense.

A big change has occurred in the household. Michelle was finding it hard to get the rest she needed with little man seeking her out throughout the day despite the nanny, and also feeling that he was struggling with seeing her in bed and unwell so often. The nanny has been let go and replaced with care out of the home for little guy, and help to come in for cooking and cleaning. There are still some kinks to be worked out in terms of what to do in evenings when Jarvie is in meetings or there is an emergency. But it was important for Michelle to feel in control of her home and family, so they are going to try their best to make it work. All monies raised will continue to support the family with paying for care for Tater tot, assistance with cleaning and meal preparation, and any supplemental medical needs for Michelle. Michelle's mama is in town for the holidays, so this is great for the family!

Please pray for Michelle. That the medical team will empathize with her struggle and put new wisdom and energy into her care. That she will get the treatment she needs to end her suffering. And of course for the family's well being.

Thank you all for your continuing support. A special shout out to the Dellolis clan who purchased a laptop for Michelle! This is fantastic! She can stay in touch when she can't get out of bed, and it will be a great resource in the event of a hospitalization. Thank you!

Tracey

"Return-It" For Way To Live!

2009-11-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

Starting Saturday, November 7th, you can drop your empty bottles at a participating Return-It bottle depot and donate your refund to WAY TO LIVE. When you receive your receipt for your bottles, just write WAY TO LIVE clearly on the back of the receipt and hand it over to the clerk behind the counter. They will keep track of donations for us to put into the Trust for Michelle.

Ironwood Bottle & Return-It Depot: 11020 Horseshoe Way
Blundell Return-It Centre: 130 - 8180 No. 2 Road
OK Bottle Depot: #2 - 8100 Capstan Way
Regional Recycling Richmond: 13300 Vulcan Way
Steveston Bottle Depot: 2 - 12320 Trites Road
Ladner Bottle Depot: 4930 Elliott Street
Tsawwassen Return -It Centre: 5636 12th Avenue

It’s because of your support that WAY TO LIVE continues to provide financial assistance to the Way family. Many thanks!

~Way To Live Committee

Progressing "Normally"

2009-11-17T08:30:00.000-08:00

I’ve been told it’s my turn to write again. I’ve been hiding in the cookbook I’m trying to put together. I’ve amassed hand written recipes from my 93 year old grandmother and my Italian grandmother, my stepfather’s mother as well as other recipes past down to me from the cooks I have known in my now 35 years. I cannot sleep again and so spend the nights doing brain exercises, typing recipes, listening to the house and stirring a plan of sustainability, health and happiness for my family.

I am surrounded by the heavy breath of a windstorm and watch the leaves struggle to get to the ground while the wind rips them from their path. The leaves surrender their resistance and swirl together through the night headed in chaos for another place. Nate is calling for me, the wind surprises his quiet sleep.... I’ll be back.
I have moved him now to the other end of our house. I’ve folded out the bed in the spare room so we can snuggle together through the storm. It won’t be long before his little hands start to search for me in the bed. I must write fast.

The pain in my body is surpassing the fear, fatigue, nausea and misery as my biggest hurdle. I’ve been told to manage it around the clock now. I’ve learned my kidney’s have started their decline. Although still functioning normally they have swollen in response to the enormous stress between my organs and the toxins that flow through my blood, unstrained by my liver and spleen.

I’ve alerted the docs to what appears to be the continuous decline of my condition and was assured that nothing would be done about it again this week. In an almost cheery manner I was advised that the outcome of Thursday’s meeting in response to my recent ultrasound (that reported the enlarged kidneys, 4 possible cancer sites in my liver and shunting amongst other unpleasantries) that everything was progressing as normal. I was supposed to be relieved to find out that there are other patients on the liver transplant list with kidney’s the size of footballs. So, not to worry. I want to ask how the football sized kidney’s are supposed to fit in with the 9lb spleen but decide not to bother. We end by thanking each other and agreeing to speak again if there is no improvement in the pain after tripling my dosage or if I end up going to the hospital.

I get a letter from my insurance company. It’s time to apply for CPP. The Canadian Government Disability benefit for people who are severely disabled. This on the same week that I cross that line from 34 to 35. My birthday. I go through a box of letters I have saved in the closet of my son’s room. He sits in the closet with me as we open them. Some are colourful, some are cute and some even sing. These are cards that were given to us when he was born. The names of so many people who sent a card or attended a baby shower. Over ½ the names are people I worked with. My job was more than a job to me. It was my passion and the people I worked with were a family to me. I miss every day there. I know, people always want what they don’t have but I felt that way when I worked there too. I will fight to walk through those doors again with name badge around my neck and clicking my heels down the hall. Waa hoo! Can’t wait.

I’ve turned over all the leaves and begged on my hands and knees. I’ve laughed, cried, written and said. I’ve listened, I’ve waited, I’ve held my tongue. My family, my husband, my mother and my devoted friends have done and said all we can. I want to surrender now. Trust that my time for life will come and be offered. I pray for the strength to face each day. I pray to rise above the pain, to stay real to myself, to keep my feet planted in truth and life to find a way to fulfill the needs that each day brings. Thank you for your prayers and support both silent and spoken tangible and intangible. I love you.

Michelle

Thank You!

2009-11-09T08:22:00.000-08:00

Thank you to all who came out for our pub night on saturday! It was a really nice evening, I hope you enjoyed yourselves also : ).

Michelle continues to need prayers. As she puts it, she used to have good days, and now it's good hours (and unpredictable). They are facing some big decisions right now for their family, please pray it will all come into place for the best.

Tracey

Over Another Hurdle

2009-11-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

Michelle is making a come-back! After days of being unable to eat or get out of bed, Michelle is feeling well enough to get up and even out a bit. Pain has been a huge issue for many months and seems to only be getting worse. Upon visiting her specialist yesterday it was decided her family doctor should help devise a better pain management plan. Michelle can't get in to see her family doc about this until December!!! It's crazy times with this H1N1 flu stuff, but not until December! I'm so frustrated for her. A recent ultrasound also shows new evidence of pathology, but no changes have been made thus far to Michelle's treatment plan.

Our Pub Night is coming up in 3 days! We have a great prize to raffle off, a $75 Relaxation Massage at the Lovely Raintree Wellness Spa! There will also be a 50/50 for anyone who would like to participate. We will have t-shirts available for purchase, and as a special we will be selling our ladies black t's at the same price as the regular-cut white t's, $20! Thank you to those who have already reserved your tix, we'll see you saturday!

Tracey

In Rough Shape

2009-10-31T11:15:00.000-07:00

Michelle could definitely use some extra thoughts and prayers right now. A few days ago she developed some symptoms that are concerning ie; fever, increased pain, some difficulty breathing, lethargy, etc. Her doctor is uncertain if this is related to her liver failure and spleen enlargement, or if maybe she has developed a pneumonia or flu. The decision was made to keep her at home while symptoms are managable to reduce the chances of a nosocomial infection(picking up an infection at the hospital).
Thank you for keeping Michelle and her family in your hearts.

Tracey

I'm Still Here!

2009-10-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry all, I've been sick and Michelle's been away, so I've been slacking in the blogging department.

Michelle had a little get-away to California with the permission of her doctors to travel. She had a great time, although towards the end there was a shift in the intensity of her pain. She just got back home this week and is trying to get a handle on things. Her dear California friends fundraised to pay for her travel expenses, how sweet is that!

With Michelle back we were able to tell her about a surprise we were working on! One of our members is friends with an amazing professional photographer, Sherri koop, who has offered to do a photo session with the Ways as a gift! Sherri takes amazing photos! You can check out her website at www.sherrikoop.com. The family will have photos to treasure forever : ). Thank you Sherri!

A few months ago Michelle's friend Eva decided to take on the challenge of a run to push herself to new limits and raise funds for the Way family. Eva unfortunately sustained an injury during training, but she pressed on and recently walked her race in Michelle's honor! Thank you so much Eva for your perseverance, thoughtfulness, and generous donations!!!

Our November 7th pub night is fast approaching. There are still some tickets available for purchase. $15 and you get a burger(beef, veggie, or chicken), fries or salad, and a drink. Contact me at way-to-live@hotmail.com or on facebook for tickets : )

I will try to be more on top of things here on the blog, thanks for bearing with me!

Tracey

Making Peace

2009-09-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

All viable options have been exhausted. Neither Toronto nor BC are prepared to take the risks involved in transplanting Michelle at this point. Hearts were broken all around, especially Michelle's. After some reflection she has decided that she needs to take a break from all the fighting and just let things be. Our trust is in the hands of the doctors now. Please continue to pray for the Way family; that they can enjoy their time as a family, that Michelle will find comfort, and that the doctors will know when it's the perfect time to perform Michelle's surgery.

Tracey

Pub Night November 7th!

2009-09-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

*Michelle will not be going to Toronto. It's complicated. More info to come. Please be in prayer for her.*

We felt it was time to do another fundraiser for the Way family! Tickets should be on sale by the end of this week. Please email me at way-to-live@hotmail.com, or contact me on facebook, or contact any of the other Way To Live committee members you know to get your tickets.

*Details*
date: November 7th at 5:30pm to as late as you like ; )
place: Hudson's Landing Pub in Marpole(vancouver)
cost: $15.00 per ticket
dinner: available 6pm to 9pm. Includes veggie, beef, or chicken burger; fries or salad; and either a house wine, on-tap draft beer, or a hi-ball.
extras: we will be doing a 50/50 draw, and possibly a raffle.

We hope to have an excellent turn-out like or first event!

Tracey

Waiting For Friday

2009-09-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

I have exciting news: Dr.Liver* is good looking just like I suspected!
But back to reality...

Michelle had her appointment with Toronto today, and her facebook status pretty much sums it up:
"Michelle is knowing nothing yet. Still in TO and find out the verdict on Friday. Then meet with BC transplant on Monday. Bing Bang Boom. We'll see!!!!!!!"

She met with Dr.Liver today, had major blood work done, and will head home tomorrow and wait for Toronto's decision on friday. This is all great timing, as she can go to her BC meeting armed with info from Toronto. She may have options, what a blessing!

Michelle and Jarvie described the Toronto team as very competent and confident, which is so awesome!

Here's to praying for great news on friday, whatever that may turn out to be.

tracey

*name changed for anonymity : )

In the T dot (did I just say that?)

2009-09-14T18:52:00.000-07:00

Michelle landed in Toronto yesterday! Who knew that the Toronto Film Festival would make flight planning and hotel booking such a challenge? Yesterday was the closest flight booking they could get for her Tuesday appointment! I told her to make the best of it and have a mini vay-cay ; )

Tomorrow is the big appointment. Who knows what will come of it. If they offer to start at square one with an assessment, then Michelle's odds are likely better here in BC. It took almost a year to get on the BC list, who could do that all over again AND be so far from home.

Please pray that no matter what the doctors say, that something good comes out of this trip.

Thank you all : )
tracey

My Heart Is Racing...

2009-09-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Toronto has accepted Michelle's referral!!!

She has an appointment Sept 15 in Toronto to meet with the team. They will assess her in person and let her know what their opinion is. It is very possible that they will decide to transplant her sooner than BC could. This is absolutely amazing news! We are all so excited around here! Hope was never lost, but we've been given a much needed boost : )

If Michelle is taken under the wings of the Toronto team, there will be a lot to work out. Temporary living arrangements(up to many months!), who will stay in Toronto with Michelle for support, visits with her husband... Nanny has agreed to relocate east if the stay will be extended, so that Tater tot can be with his mama.

Much more info to come as it trickles in! Please keep Michelle in your prayers!!!

Tracey

A Few Sunflowers In The Mud

2009-08-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

Well I just wanted you to know it’s not all bad in my world. There’s been a few wins, quite a few laughs and many many dairy queen banana milkshakes to see me through all of this mess. For starters, I can drive again. I managed to fenangle the doctors into giving me my license back. I noticed quite an improvement in my memory and ability to keep my mind focused to complete a task. For example, I can now start making toast and actually get to the putting jam on top without starting the laundry ½ way through the process! Before the improvement the time spent by the bread cooking in the toaster was enough for me to forget about it completely. I would find it the next morning, hard shriveled and definitely neglected. Even my son had taken to repeating his requests over and over again until I fulfilled them. I’m sure most 2 year olds do this sort of thing but I found it rather helpful!

Anyway, I’ve made many successful batches of toasts and even a few full course dinners without mishaps. The doctors did their assessments and hesitantly approved my driving again. This little win was important to me and has allowed me to use my beans to get us out and about when we feel up to it. Yaaa Hooo!! I got a bit big for my britches after that and felt I ought to go back to work. I consulted with my friends and family who laughed at me and then discussed it in a round about way with my docs who asked me what I would do about all the pain, the days spent in bed and the constant nausea, bloating, itchiness etc. Oh yea- there’s that. I could probably report to work for about 1hr per day 1 or 2 days per week. Sounds like a model employee to me!!

With all this waiting, I do get rather impatient and feel the need to grab control of something. Find a way to be of use. My husband tells me I already have a job, to live in now and to stay alive. It doesn’t pay well but it’s important!

Then there’s the time I called Tracey to invite her to a fun filled night of errands at Walmart. We completed our task and then decided what was needed for us mothers and the chronically ill was an evening at the local watering hole. We piled in, Walmart bras and all and enjoyed a round of Shirley Temples while we watched the crowd mingle and dance. We laughed till our guts hurt (in a good way) and reported for home before the little ones even knew we were gone. And just to add a cherry to the top of our sundaes.... we got hit on as we left!!! Just a reminder to never underestimate the power of the unexpected or the local bar. : )

Anyway, just wanted to let you know, I still laugh, still eat, still run errands and now...I even DRIVE!!!

Love to you and thanks always for listening and taking a minute, and for helping me carry my sorrow, my burden and my fear. Always celebrate, always love, always laugh. I’m going to throw the party of a lifetime when this is over. And... you’re invited!!

Michelle

Home Again

2009-08-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

Michelle is home again. No new findings much to the surprise of everyone involved(including the ER docs who expected to admit her long term). Pain management discussed. Thank you for your on-going prayers.

Tracey

Prayers Needed

2009-08-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

Michelle is in hospital this evening. She is in incredible pain that they were unable to manage at home. She called her medical team and they directed her to go to the ER. We waited about an hour in the waiting room before she was admitted. It was very busy, thus she was placed on a stretcher in the hallway. One by one the hallway filled with more stretchers. She convinced me to go home. I felt terrible, but I was in the way standing at the head of her stretcher. Her mom will be joining her soon, hopefully by then Michelle will be in a real bed. Please pray for some clarity on what is causing the pain, and for some much needed pain relief.

Thank You
Tracey

Amazing Story

2009-08-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to make it a direct link this morning. Copy and paste the following into your browser if you'd like to read a stroy that will make you go "wow!".

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/18/health/18tran.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

tracey

Who's Scan Is This Anyway???

2009-08-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

So Bizarre. When Michelle had her most recent ultrasound, there were some peculiar findings about the spleen condition and that there were gallstones. We all wondered if they were reading the wrong scan! Who knows, but when Michelle actually got the written report it read that there were no gallstones, but rather kidney stones, and the spleen was very enlarged. We'll probably never know what went wrong, it just kind of highlights how uncertain this whole situation is.

But on another note...
Our hearts are racing and our stomachs are in knots. The Toronto referral has been signed for at the other end, someone has it in their hot little hands! We want to celebrate. Why you ask, when nothing has been decided yet? Well, there is so much possibility that can come from this! The worst case is that they will agree with BC, but at least Michelle will know she exhausted all her resources and has been given the clear to continue waiting by one of the best in the world. Please pray that the Toronto team will review Michelle's file diligently and make the best decision for her well being.

Tracey

Being Candid

2009-08-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

Well it feels like time to write again. I have just read the blog after almost a month. This gesture of friendship from Tracey and all the phone calls, visits and patience has been a life saving gift. I am struggling to keep my spirits afloat these days. I want so much to be the brave, strong and fearless girl I thought I was. But instead I am very afraid, very overwhelmed, very guilty and very ashamed. I never meant to be sick for so long. I never meant to need my friends and my family so much. I never meant to be this useless for such a long time. I don’t know when this journey ends or what the outcome will be but I know it is out of my control.

I spent the last 3 days in bed again with fatigue, nausea and pain. My husband, the nanny and my mom filled in all the blanks and kept Tater tot and the household rolling along. I am so blessed to have so much support. Is it wrong to want to push it all away and stand strong on my own two feet again? I don’t want to cheapen my relationships with too much gratitude. A friendship holds itself together with mutual admiration, respect and common enjoyment. What if I am unable to be enjoyable?

I told my son that I was sorry to be so sick this week and that I missed him while I was sleeping in bed. He responded, “Sometimes it’s not easy being big. Sometimes it’s not easy being small.” These are words from one of our favourite bedtime stories. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a big kiss. His love licked the wounds of my guilt.

I have rallied my head around getting to Toronto. My family and friends have urged me to go, my doctor’s here have supported and recommended that I go. I must be able to tell my son that I did everything I could to be here to love and raise him. Meghan and her family need an end as well. We all need to move on. Our lives have been on hold for too long. Tomorrow I round up all my paperwork to send to Toronto. Then I wait. It’s 3 weeks I’m told. Will they go forward? They are the best in the world. They do more living donor liver transplants in Toronto then anywhere else in the world. If we wait here, we may wait too long. It feels like we’ve already waited too long. I’ve sat nose to nose with my specialist. He gave me 45 minutes of his time. He tried to explain why the BC transplant team is waiting. I could tell it didn’t altogether make sense to him either. He said he thought I should go to Toronto and that he would never question their opinion.

While I wait I pray for days with a few beans so that I can be here, living life, loving my family, making good decisions, being strong, being loving, being grateful, remembering always to put one foot in front of the other. Work on the right now and hopefully I’ll get somewhere along the way.

Thank you my sweet little tot for your big boy, big hearted response to life. I know it must be hard to have a mama who’s not always there. Thank you for opening your heart to nanny Elizabeth and to all the people who are there for you when mama can’t be. The world is a big one and I know you will be stronger for loving and trusting more people at your tiny age. With all my heart and with every day I pray that my difficultly will not hurt you in anyway. I can see it has already affected who you are but you are bubbling to the surface with your sweet face in the wind. You are my little friend, my courageous boy. I love you.

To all my friends and family; I thank you for your prayers, your support, your kindness and all your love.

Michelle

And Just To Stir Things Up A Bit...

2009-08-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

It appears Michelle has gallstones. She had her gallbladder removed many years ago, so this was kind of a surprise. It is not necessarily the cause of her new pain. They do suspect they have to be removed though, as they present an opportunity for infection and Michelle can't afford that. Her pain remains poorly controlled. This evening I had a phone conversation with her while she lay in the bath tub, trying to find some much needed relief. Will this new turn of events delay things further? Will it change her odds in getting accepted into the Toronto program? Because she didn't have enough stress...

Her banding went well, although there were changes noted in her esophagus due to the numerous varices and banding over the years (correct me if I got that wrong Michelle).

The wait for a new liver has been excruciatingly long, and Michelle's reserves are running thin. It is heartbreaking for anyone to have to go through this.

You're always in my thoughts and prayers,
Tracey

The Scrabble Genius

2009-07-29T21:50:00.001-07:00

It's been a rough few days for Michelle in terms of pain. Last night a trip to the ER was in order, as I could hear the anxiety in her voice; this pain was new and unrelenting. I'm sad to report, great success was not achieved in controlling her pain, nor were the staff able to pin point the exact cause of the pain. I must say though, after 3 rounds of pain meds and some intervenous gravol, Michelle still kicked my butt in Scrabble!

Michelle was back at the hospital this am as per the night docs instruction for an ultrasound. At this point she is no farther ahead in finding relief. The pain is incredible, her abdomen feeling full and clenched in spasm, accompanied with fever, and today the addition of a migraine. She is scheduled for banding surgery tomorrow, as well as an appointment with her specialist to review her current symptoms.

Please pray for Michelle to find relief from her discomfort, and that her doctors will have the wisdom to diagnose the issue and keep her safe while she waits for a new liver. Mama bear is coming out tomorrow to be with Michelle while a little extra support and TLC is needed. Looking forward to seeing you J, safe travels : )

Tracey

Second Opinions

2009-07-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

After a gut wrenching phone call with the BC Transplant Team, Michelle's live-donor surgery is on hold, and it seems she may have been bumped down the list for a cadaver liver. Of course if there are others worse off, then it is understandable that they are higher on the list. What makes it hard is Michelle has Miss M pleading by her side to get on with the live donor surgery...
Michelle's heart has been breaking and her anxiety levels are high.

So you may have noticed I've been away from the bloggy world. Well we've been working on a few things. Michelle's specialist and her family doctor have both given their full support and encouragement in her being referred to the Toronto Transplant Clinic! She has been working on a letter to attach with her doctor's referral. The letter has been bounced between her 2 editors (her mother and myself : )), and she has come up with a fantastic piece. Her doctor will attach this to her own, as well as labs, images and consults, and hopefully the referral will be sent off in the next couple of weeks! Toronto has an amazing Transplant program, and do far more live liver donor surgeries than BC. They have awesome statistics and are leading the way in organ transplantation!

This is an exciting possibility for Michelle! Please keep Michelle and family, and Miss M and family in your prayers.

Tracey

ADDRESS!

2009-07-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

We have a new mailing address! Please send stuff for Michelle to:

Way To Live
PO Box 105-4500 Westwater Drive
Richmond, BC
V7E 6S1

We have our old PO box for a few more weeks, so anything that has been already sent should reach us in time to be collected. Sorry for any confusion!

Thanks!
Tracey

Generous Outpouring of Support!

2009-07-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

Support for Michelle and her family is taking off like wildfire! Another Amazing Friend has stepped up to the starting line and is about to embark on a run in Michelle's honor! Please follow Eva's journey here http://eva-runningwild.blogspot.com as she pushes herself to new limits, just as Michelle does every day.
Thank you so much Eva! Once again, the Way's are so blessed to have such terrific friends holding them up as they wait in uncertainty.

Tracey

"People Helping People"

2009-07-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

Jarvie's Uncle belongs to an organization called the Fraternal Order of Eagles Maple Ridge Aerie #2831. The Fraternal Order of Eagles is an international,non-profit organization that unites fraternally in the spirit of liberty, truth, justice, and equality; to make human life more desirable by lessening its ills and by promoting peace, prosperity, gladness, and hope. The motto of the Organization is "People Helping People". How great is that! This year they have chosen Michelle's family to be one of their charities!
The group is organizing a fund raising Golf Tournament and Dinner for August 9th, 2009, at Heather Hills Farm in Maple Ridge. Partial proceeds will go towards the Way family, the rest of the proceeds will go towards other charities that the group serves.

***Details***

Event Date: August 9th, 2009

Tickets: Golf is open to both Women and Men, so get your foursome and join the game! $45/person for golf and dinner, $10/person dinner only. Must be paid in full by August 4th, 2009. To order tickets please email Sharon at shardel@shaw.ca. The hall only holds 100, thus tickets are limited.

Payment: cheques should be made payable to FOE Maple Ridge Aerie #2831 (I imagine cash is acceptable too).

Location: Heather Hills Farm 25494 - 117th Avenue, Maple Ridge B.C.

Dinner: steak, baked potato, corn on the Cob, salad, and dessert

*There will also be a silent auction!

Please direct your questions to Sharon at shardel@shaw.ca
For more information on the Fraternal Order of Eagles go to www.foe.com

So much kindness, it's just awesome : )
tracey

Where Does One Begin...

2009-07-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

I was with Michelle this past Thursday when she had a phone conversation with a transplant team member. I am not sure what is okay to write at this point, or what will even remain consistent, as they seem to change their minds a little too frequently than comfortable. I will say that the news was disheartening, and Michelle is very low right now. She will be seeing her specialist tomorrow. Hopefully there she will get some answers to her questions, some clarity, some guidance. Prayers are needed that she will be strong in this appointment, and that Dr.E will be compassionate and proactive.

After the above phone call, Michelle was in tears, then proceeded to cry that the day was supposed to be "about you, and now it's about me". My heart jumped into my throat. The about me part was getting over my fear of flying, the about her part was her life in her hands. No forgiveness needed. Not now, not ever. Michelle does not speak easily or freely about her suffering. I feel so sad when she feels like she is burdening others by talking about her illness or the terrible symptoms she endures. I love you for you, liver disease and all, I'll take the whole package.

I am so proud of Michelle for being so strong. I am proud of her for sharing her story; I believe it encourages us to embrace empathy, to realize how precious life is, and to strive harder at using ourselves for good.

I flew on an airplane (twice!) this weekend. The 3+ hours I spent 1 to 1 with a pilot the day before my flight probably helped a little. But mostly I realized that if Michelle had the courage to handle her situation everyday, then I could get on a silly little airplane. You help me all the time, more than you'll ever know.

Tracey

Back To The Drawing Board...

2009-07-07T22:13:00.000-07:00

So if anyone noticed that I said "pencil it in", it's because I have witnessed the indecisiveness of this whole process. I was actually going to put that I was "announcing with cautious hope...", but didn't want to seem like a downer. Yesterday Michelle received a call from the transplant team, her surgery date has been given to someone else that has been deemed worse off. Biggest bummer ever. Or maybe it's a blessing in disguise(a whole liver in the near future?)...I guess they have to buckle up and keep going on this ride. There are dates being discussed for September now, hopefully to be decided this thursday.

Michelle is due for banding of her esophageal varices again. Already? Last time she didn't have any banding for the first time in forever! This time she is pretty sure there are some varices in there, as she has been having difficulty swallowing. And her overall pain is pretty constant. Despite all this, she keeps trekking along. I'm starting to think she has a bit of a bean bank. Seems she can pull a few beans out of no where, but then ends up exhausted and feeling poorly for days after.

I'm so disappointed for the Ways right now. Not even so much that the surgery won't likely happen on the 24th, but mostly that they were given hope and had it swept away only days later. What a roller coaster : (.

Tracey

Break Out Your Calendars!

2009-07-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

With much excitement I am pleased to announce that Michelle and Miss M. have operating rooms and 3 surgeons penciled in for August 24th!!! There is still the possibility of a whole liver before then, but if nothing comes up by that date, then they will proceed with the live-donor surgery if all goes well. Please pray for both Michelle and Miss M. during this time as the surgery becomes more of a reality, I know there will be unique fears for both.

But for now...*happy dance*!!!

Tracey

Gratitude

2009-06-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

Hi sweet friends!

I am grateful tonight. I found kindred spirit this week-end. The first was an in a Narcotics Anonymous meeting where I celebrated 2 years of clean living for a healthy, strong young man. I sat surrounded by family and friends and listened to confession after confession from these healing, broken spirits. Theirs was a horrendous tale of misery then, and now, a huge climb back and full of setbacks. The theme they chose to discuss was “never give up” and “gratitude”. They wept and described the many gifts of sobriety in an effort to stay strong one more day. I felt their desperation, their physical and emotional pain, there regret at the cost of their disease to the ones they love. I felt their joy, their pride in working the program, staying strong one day at a time. I was grateful to be amongst such bravery, honesty and emotion. Thank you!

Then a victory of quite the other kind. My husband softly nudged me, the smell of fresh coffee wafting upstairs. My stomach turned and my eyes refused to open. My tot is still asleep too. I snuggle back in to the warmth and relative comfort offered by the bed. The phone rings- Tracey’s up with her family. They’re on their way to Stanley park to cheer on our friend Kevin as he crosses the finish line after running 21 kilometres. He has fundraised to pay for our nanny and has raised well over his goal. If he can run I can get up. I manage to get my clothes on. One glance in the mirror reveals a shocking sight! Oh well- I better hope we’re not judging the book by it’s cover today! Tot wakes up confused but excited. I tell him we are going to watch Kevin run a race in Stanley park! “Oh... BIG park” he replies. I explain that Kevin is racing so that we can have nanny Elizabeth. His eyes widen and he says earnestly, “Thanks Kevin!”. We pick up Uncle Cookie who entertains the tot exceedingly well and we zoom down to the race. Somehow we miss seeing Kevin actually cross the finish line but managed to find him shortly afterwards still gasping for air and hungrily ramming bananas and water down the hatch. He separated for a moment and circled a tree. I think he was gathering himself. It seemed to have helped! I cannot imagine the stamina it must have taken to run 21 kilometres without stopping. His face was full of life and pride. The spirit of endurance dripped from the trees and echoed from the pounding of feet on the pavement. I can keep running too! Thank you making us all feel proud today Kevin. I plan to finish my race with the same spirit you finished yours. I hope you won’t mind if I need to circle a tree every now and then as we go along. You are a champion!

Michelle

The Marathon

2009-06-28T15:00:00.001-07:00

Today Kevin ran his 1/2 marathon in honor of Michelle and her family. Now one might think I'm off my rocker, but I honestly felt so pumped and emotional as I squeezed myself into a position where I could see the runners crossing the finish line. There were people of all kinds; young, old, heavy, thin, some looking exhausted, others looking like they had just finished a leisurely jaunt. There was a woman pushing a wheelchair-bound youth, and an elderly man who exclaimed with raised, shaking fists of triumph "I DID IT!"(this man made excellent time!). You could see many get that extra burst of energy as they saw their goal in sight. I felt tears stinging my eyes as I shared these people's moments of triumph.

Kevin had a goal to make the run in 2hrs. As the clock ticked away, nearer and nearer to the 2hr mark, I felt that adrenalin rush increase. I couldn't turn away from the race as I didn't want to risk missing him. Silly me forgot my camera *boo*. Kev flew through that finish line in just under 2hrs, he made his goal! We could see at that very moment as he crossed the line he was spent. But he did it, and he did it perfectly! Kevin inspired Michelle and I to set a goal to train for a run once she recovers from her surgery : )

Kevin spoke of how he cramped up during his race and really started to struggle around the 17km mark, but he pressed on. I got to thinking this afternoon how Michelle is already running a marathon. Her marathon is of an undetermined distance. Lucky for us she too continues to press on, taking all those hills and keeping her chin up when she hits road blocks. With all of our love and support, and her fantastic team of doctors, she will reach that finish line. This will be a happy day!

Congratulations Kevin on your terrific run and your amazing gift!

Love
Tracey