I was with Michelle this past Thursday when she had a phone conversation with a transplant team member. I am not sure what is okay to write at this point, or what will even remain consistent, as they seem to change their minds a little too frequently than comfortable. I will say that the news was disheartening, and Michelle is very low right now. She will be seeing her specialist tomorrow. Hopefully there she will get some answers to her questions, some clarity, some guidance. Prayers are needed that she will be strong in this appointment, and that Dr.E will be compassionate and proactive.
After the above phone call, Michelle was in tears, then proceeded to cry that the day was supposed to be "about you, and now it's about me". My heart jumped into my throat. The about me part was getting over my fear of flying, the about her part was her life in her hands. No forgiveness needed. Not now, not ever. Michelle does not speak easily or freely about her suffering. I feel so sad when she feels like she is burdening others by talking about her illness or the terrible symptoms she endures. I love you for you, liver disease and all, I'll take the whole package.
I am so proud of Michelle for being so strong. I am proud of her for sharing her story; I believe it encourages us to embrace empathy, to realize how precious life is, and to strive harder at using ourselves for good.
I flew on an airplane (twice!) this weekend. The 3+ hours I spent 1 to 1 with a pilot the day before my flight probably helped a little. But mostly I realized that if Michelle had the courage to handle her situation everyday, then I could get on a silly little airplane. You help me all the time, more than you'll ever know.
Tracey
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Isn't it amazing how our own issues start to pale in comparison? They are still a challenge, but a doable challenge. You end up doing it for Michelle and you grow in the process.
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