Update from Michelle : )

Okay here's a good news story....

After being told that I was now in the 3 to 6 months to live category a few weeks ago, my step dad came to visit me. He had just spent 2 years living in Fiji on a remote island.... in a tent!!! He is about 6 foot 3 and weighed in at 159lbs. I had peeled myself out of bed to say good-bye to Miss J and welcome my dad in. I swooped in for a hug but landed on skin and bone. The female instinct clicked in and I was overcome by the desire to nourish and fatten him up.

I spent the first 3 days of his visit unable to get out of bed except to go to the doctor or throw up. I had not seen my dad in 2 years. I was absolutely desperate to feel better. I pleaded with the couch, the floor, god, my nanny and the cat. What can I do to get over this.

I started going out anyway. My dad wheeled me in a wheelchair. I clutched my stomach to quiet the pain and breathed heavily to overcome the fatigue. He asked me if I was actually feeling better or just faking it. I confessed that I was faking it. Now the blood was moving again and I could feel life force re-entering my body. I felt like a plant longing for water that was now soaking in the rain.

It was the little things; bagging my medication into daily doses, helping me with my bags, driving me to drop off my various 'samples'at the lab, watching my silly reality TV, sipping coffee, and eating banana milkshakes daily. He had many missions to buy things he needs for life on the island. I co-piloted, sometimes well and sometimes not very well at all. Meanwhile we talked about the past, present and future. He did what I cannot and googled 'liver transplant'. He shared what I needed to know and, thankfully, kept the rest to himself. He fixed a little teapot, glued together an old lamp, fixed that silly bar that hung from the stroller and all the other things that dad`s just seem to know how to do. He watched out for me and for Nate and I felt safe. What is it about a good dad that just makes everything feel like it`s going to be okay? I really needed that feeling. It had been too long.

I don`t know if it was my dad, the sunshine, a few new meds, the spring flowers, or just pure luck, but I have not felt this good in a year. If I didn`t know what was going on in the inside I would probably join the lacrosse team. I write with trepidation because I don`t want to jinx myself but I just want to sing from the mountain top. I can`t stop myself. I feel very alive, very happy and very `beanful`. There is still constant pain, bloating, itching, nausea and the host of other ailments but there is a spring in my step and a true smile on my face. And... for the record my dad and I fattened up quite nicely in the 2 weeks he was here. He left on Monday and I cried almost the entire day. I thought everything would crash after he left but I have managed to hang on to the feeling of happiness and wellness. Thank you for bringing me so much love, so much peace and for being such great company. I love you always.

Michelle