From Michelle!

Well I guess I’m still a brat and I’ve still got my sass. Hopefully I always will. I discharged myself from VGH last night and caught a cab home at 4 in the morning. I gave my mom quite a fright as rang the doorbell and banged on the front door. She knew I’d been trying to leave for the past 8 hours. She chuckled at my tenacity.

Well, in all fairness, I didn’t mean to end up in the hospital again. What had started out as a quick call to the transplant coordinator about fever and pain was turning into another admission to hospital. I was going to be admitted for 7 to 10 days and maybe until my transplant. At first I tried to be mature but I just couldn’t be away from my family again so soon. We had just recovered from the last round. After 4 meetings with the docs they let me sign a waiver and leave.

I knew I stood to be scolded but I couldn’t help smiling as I whizzed home in the black top cab. There was not a car in sight and I opened the window to let the freezing cold air of freedom hit me in the face.

I navigate these waters carefully knowing that VGH is the means to my ultimate salvation from this treachery. After a chest x-ray, ultrasound and another CT scan the news just keeps getting worse. The 2 major veins between the liver and the spleen are blocked, the blood is flowing abnormally throughout my body which is affecting my heart. I have almost no white blood cells left and there is blood pooling in my intestines causing severe pain and fever (the reason I went to the hospital in the first place). Oh yea, and I have diverticulitis from all the medications.

But… my liver just keeps going! It’s shrinking in size because of all the dead tissue but the liver function tests are NORMAL. The aftermath of it’s refusal to fail is overwhelming the rest of my organs and the rest of my internals. My liver knows it can’t stop now. We’re too close to the finish line. I elect my little champion liver to the hall of fame for bravery, sportsmanship and perseverance. What a trooper!!!! I will miss it’s courage but will happily surrender it to the text books and the labs that can’t wait to see what it’s made of.

What an interesting thing it is to be waiting for a liver transplant. My husband and I marvel at the amount of times we are asked, “When is your surgery?” Waiting for a transplant is unlike anything else I can think of. You depend on someone else's demise as your salvation. In my case, it must be someone young and healthy. So, in other words, I am waiting for a tragedy. And, thankfully tragedy is not scheduled. To pray for such a thing seems grotesquely inappropriate. But, death is inevitable. 140,000 people die of traumatic causes every day. I don’t know whether that’s in BC or Canada wide but either way that’s a lot of people. I can only hope that one of those people is a donor and one of those donors is a match for me. I pray that their passing is painless and that they are somehow ready to go. I will treasure the gift of their life forever. I will make the most of every day in honour of their life. I will tell my son about their sacrifice and what it meant for us. I will tell him about everything our friends and family have done to get us through this. I will work passionately at my job, I will exercise like I’ve never exercised before, I will enjoy sleeping again when everyone else is and I will savour every mouthful of food without pain. I will sing, go to school, dance and give back gratefully. I pray I am given the chance to make good on these promises. I pray I am given a chance to live.

If for some reason I can’t hold out for a cadaver liver, my dear friend (who was also my maid of honor in my wedding) has offered to be my live liver donor. This is a serious surgery for her and for me. The transplant surgeons don’t favour it because of my age. I would receive the top lobe of her liver which she would grow back. I would grow a liver to full size but would have only ½ of the blood vessels. This would mean a much longer recovery time and the liver would not last as long. I would require another transplant in approximately 10 years. My friend has not completed the assessment stage but so far she is a match. She has offered to drop everything and save my life. She will endure a lot of pain and have to take 3 months off work. And of course, there is always the risk of complication. The good news is, no one has ever died or become seriously ill as a result of being a live donor. When she heard about this option she immediately volunteered herself without hesitation. I can honestly say I would have done the same for her. We have envisioned sharing junk mags and wearing matching PJ’s while we discuss the meaning of life on pain meds in side by side beds. I can honestly say there would never be a way to truly repay such a gesture. I am truly blessed to have such true friends. Thank you Miss M. I love you.

My love and gratitude to all of you who pray, love, contribute, send cards or just think about us. Be safe and love life.

Michelle